Divided By Zero
by t3h maniac
Summary: In an attempt to return to the main cast, Roy has caused a space-time choas jepordizing all worlds. The pieces are falling together like a well played game of Tetris, and the very nature of Smash Mansion will be uncovered among other things
1. Divided by Zero

**Divided By Zero**

**A Sequel to Ike's Quest for Proof. Now that Ike has proved that he is straight and Roy has defied the laws of physics to reunite with Marth after being kicked out after Melee, everything should have been fine.**

**Except for the fact that Roy defied the laws of physics and the time space continuum wants revenge. We'll need a lot more hemp before we're through.**

**Disclaimer: Nintendo, Sega and Konami so far own all the characters in this.**

**--**

Master Hand barrelled down the corridors to the core of the disturbance. The fabric of existence was rupturing and he had a pretty good idea why.

"Okay which one of you idiots re-opened the portals without a week of recalibration to adjust for certain time zones and alternate universes?" The Smashers all took one very big step back from Roy who had no option but to look sheepishly.

"Oops?" He ventured.

"Oops? OOPS?! DO YOU REALISE WHAT YOU'VE DONE YOU BLITHERING IDI-" He paused for a while, taking into account the red hair and realised who he was talking to "hey wait, didn't I fire you last time?" The ruler of the Nexus asked.

"No?" Roy cringed, trying to avoid a finger cannon attack.

"Oh, fair enough. Must have mistaken you for a third party." He dismissed. There was that one red-head who he rejected. He didn't speak at all but apparently had some great achievement to his record, something about a demon known as Lavos. It didn't matter. If that blue boy with the cannon on his arm wasn't getting in neither was he. Roy breathed a small sigh of relief.

"So does this mean the portals are broken now? How will we get back?" Asked Olimar, nervous about his Pikmin friends back home.

"Oh the portals still work alright, that's the bloody problem. The thing is the amount of energy that was used to re-open those means that the dimensions are slowly being pulled together. Or this one is being slowly ripped apart, never sure which one of the two it is. It's why we only open them at the beginning and end of tournaments, this always happens when the portals are open you just don't notice because we keep them open for only a few minutes. My guess is they've been open for an hour to get to this stage." Master Hand explained.

"That has got to be one of the worst attempts at scientific explanation I've heard."

"Look lady, I could go into such detail here that the amount of knowledge would make your head explode, do you want a blown up head? No. All we have to do is send ROB in there to shut the portals and we can all go back to normal."

"Beep?" (Why me?) asked the robot, this wasn't part of his contract.

"Because you're disposable, now get in there!" Master Hand commanded, grabbing the robot, opening the door to the portal room and throwing him in. Much to his apparent displeasure.

"So how long does this take?" Ike asked.

"About a few seconds, we have an emergency shut off valve for this sort of thing." They waited for a few minutes, the energy still crackled in the atmosphere and was making Pikachu feel a bit dizzy now. The Smashers breathed a sigh of relief when ROB emerged unharmed.

"Beep." He whispered to Master Hand, if he had eyes they would probably have bulged out by now.

"**WHAT?**" He shouted so loud that even Crazy hand could hear it in his cage. "Okay, we are screwed now. Start panicking."

--

Deep within the gaps between dimensions a small voice chuckled.

"Hmm, what a wondrous opportunity we have here. At least this time there won't be a meddlesome plumber to intervene in my plans, nor that accursed turtle or that bimbo."

--

**I'm back with my biggest venture yet in the Nintendo franchises. Less Yaoi jokes for now though.**


	2. it's not cliche, it's coincidental!

It's Not Cliché It's Coincidental

**It's Not Cliché It's Coincidental**

**An update to make sure I don't forget about this during my studies.**

**Disclaimer: you know that I don't own the characters, and so do I.**

**--**

Master Hand searched every corner of the mansion trying to find the panic button. Why? No one knew because everyone was already panicking about the dimensions crushing them.

"Hey MH! How's it hanging?" Crazy asked from inside his cage.

"Not now Crazy, we're all doomed."

"I didn't do nothing!"

"Crazy…" Master asked, realising the double negavtive.

"What? We both know that I haven't been out of this cage you put me in, I haven't pressed the doomsday button."

"We don't have a doomsday button."

"Then what's the big red button with the skull and cross bones on it that I've been staring at all day and night? It taunts me, demanding to be pressed."

"Ah, so that's where the panic button is."

"Why do you want to press it?"

"Because we are doomed, the portals are open for a long time and as such we are going to be pulled apart or crushed."

"Why don't you close them, and they call me the crazy one. You want to send everyone running like headless chickens over something that you can fix by throwing the robot in."

"What do you think I've tried?"

"Okay… so why don't you try closing it from the other side?" Crazy suggested. Master hand considered this for a while, and what it meant.

"Close it from the other side? You mean send them back and have them gather magical macguffins in order to restore the status quo? Great idea! Glad I thought of it."

"Way to go MH!" Crazy cheered, banging on the side of his cage.

"Shut up."

--

"Well, I have good news and bad news. The good news is we are all saved!" Cheers. "The bad news is that we're sending you back to your home worlds and home times to do it." A chorus of 'oh's resounded from them. Possibly even a curse from Link

"Must my love have such an unfortunate end?" Marth asked, overly dramatic as always.

"Dammit, I can't use gay as a Falcon insult to him anymore."

"How long is it going to take?" Ike asked.

"Well here it will only take 5 minutes before the portals shut off and the multiverse is saved, for you it could take any length of time, up to 5 years."

"Wait, 5 years? So how long has passed since we started talking?" Snake asked, if a minute yer equalled a year on earth, then that meant…

"No time at all. It's complicated." Oh. Well, nuts to that travel into the future thing.

--

"Add a pokeball to recovery heart, the chaos will become art.

Koopa claw to plasma beam, my victory will remain unseen."

--

"So is everyone ready?"

"Yes." The Smashers (minus ROB and Mewtwo who still refused to step back into his original world) replied.

"Good, ROB. Activate the portals!" Master Hand commanded.

"Beep." The robot from the 8 bit era refused.

"What do you mean you're on strike?"

"Beep."

"I never heard of a robotic union. Do you know what? I'll do it myself."

--

"Spicy Curry to… god this stuff smells _foul._"

"Still mixing it up, are you D?" A higher pitch voice called, with the sound of rustling paper in the background

"Not now M. I still have to place in the final ingredient, if you have obtained it that is."

"The ocarina? Of course I have it, I'm not just a pretty face you know." The Ocorina of Time was tossed into the hands of D, a red hue from the contents of the cauldron.

"Of course you are not, M. Now we sit back and watch the fireworks."

The ocarina was suspended in mid-air. And several notes began to play.

Down C, right C, left C, down C, right C, left C.

You played Saria's song!

"Whoops, wrong tune."

The ocarina came to life again this time playing a slower paced melody, the first one ever played by its original owner.

Zelda's lullaby.

Several blue strings shot out of the cauldron, all connected at one point. A Snap of the fingers and the strings intertwined, knotting at several points, beams of light shot along the strings were scattered.

"Let the games begin."

--

**OOOOH, cliffy! Have I built up suspense yet?**


	3. Divded they act stupid

**Divided They…Act Stupid**

**Plot! Fear its event chain and reasoning! Fear it!**

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to…you know the drill by now.**

**--**

"At last! I have returned to Hyrule, now with my Triforce of Power I will rule this Kingdom with my… oh shit!" The king of evil cursed as he plummeted into a cel-shaded ocean "Help! I can't swim! Help me! Link! Zelda! Anyone!" He called out, struggling. Trying to use the Triforce of power but alas, it didn't work as his head was sub,erged underneath the waves. Unbeknown to him, the 3 goddesses watched on. Faroe and Nayru smiling while Din was pouting

"And you told me flooding the world to get rid of Ganon was a bad idea." The godess of wisdom taunted.

"Fine, we get it. You're smart." Din grumbled, now she had to find a new avatar.

--

"Colonel. Where am I? This location seems unfamiliar." Snake asked, pressing in the codex. He woke up in a forest filled with long grass, there were weird cacoons attached to the trees about a third of his size, some of them resembled a cresent moon, others seemed to stare at him with evil eyes.

"Can you describe it?" Octacon asked.

"I asked for the Colonel, not the nerd."

"Come on Snake, don't be like that. We have a kid together." He whined.

"Don't mention that! Do you want people to start writing Yaoi about us like they did to Link and Ike?" Snake snapped, praying that the line wasn't tapped by anyone.

"Don't Marth, Roy and Ike also have a lot of Yaoi about them?"

"The difference is, they are gay. I'm not."

"Dammit." Octacon cursed.

"What was that?"

"Nothing, just Mei-ling is a bit disappointed."

"Right…"

--

"Mama-mia, I feel worse than I did after eating too much mushroom pasta dishes." Mario groaned

"OOK! OOK!" A large gorilla screamed from the top of a structure about 25 metres high, beating his chest.

"Donkey Kong? What are you doing up there?" A barrel hit Mario in the face "Ask a stupid question…" he grumbled as he picked up a hammer.

--

"Hmm, is that a jigglypuff?" Pokemon trainer asked himself, after waking up to a place that definatley wasn't Kanto. It wasn't even Joto or Hoenn. There were no known pokemon around, the only thing he'd seen were pink puffballs with wings, and puff ball pokemon didn't have wings.

"Hiii!"

"Oh, its just Kirby."

"Hiii!"

"Okay… hi."

"Hiii!"

"I'm gonna start running now."

"Hiii!"

"Aaah!" He screamed as Kirby inhaled, taking him into the dreamland residents mouth. Fortunately Kirby disappeared, leaving PT to fall on the ground undigested. "What just happened?"

--

"Ah Hyrule! How I've missed your large trees, your clouds with faces and… mushroom people?" Link stopped in his tracks. Breathing a sigh of relief when he saw the princess coming to, they had not been separated from each other but they weren't in their own world. Which was bad news if Ganondorf was "Zelda? I think we're in trouble."

--

"Where are we?" Lucas asked.

"It looks like we're on that F-zero stage." Ness replied.

"You mean the one with all the cars and electric guitars?"

"Yep. Now we just have to find the stage shut off before the cars run us down."

"**Attention. The race will be postponed due to there being two small boys on the track." **An intercom blared to a rousing chorus of boos.

"Call me crazy Lucas, but I don't think this is a smash stage."

--

"You're too slow!" Sonic shouted as he charged down the streets.

"Isn't he breaking the speed limit Nook?" Asked KK Rider.

"We have a speed limit?"

--

"Pika?"

"Sir! We found something."

"What is it?"

"New species just appeared in the hull."

"Could be a space pirate experiment. Keep an eye on it; just make sure it doesn't get into our supplies. If we can, get it to the labs."

"Sir!"

--

_Where am I? Green slopes that easily be a stunt track, Blue Ocean seemingly un-touched by man. This is no place in my world. _Lucario pondered, after waking up his surroundings. If they were supposed to return to their original worlds then something had gone wrong, and he wasn't one to chalk things like this up to accident.

"Hey? Who are you?" Asked a twin tailed fox, with white gloves and trainers? _Ah. At least this explains where I am._

--

"Where… where am I?" Bowser asked, pulling himself out of his shell to look around. "No mushroom people, no koopas, no Goombas, no Boos, nothing apart from a ranch over there, and a forest over there." His eyes norrowed and his mouth formed a shark like grin, everything seemed to be falling into place like a well played game of Tetris "Perfect." He heade out west across the field, if what Ganondorf had told him was true, then he had a ready made fortress without a leader just begging to be taken over.

For the Koopa, things had just taken a turn for the best.

--

**Yes this is going to be a long one, all the Smashers (and Roy) will be accounted for (minus Mewtwo and ROB but they have their own problems to deal with. All will be revealed if you review.**


	4. Another Castle?

Turning Over A New Hideout

**Another Castle?**

**Following on from where the last chapter left off.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

**--**

In the Dark World of the Koopas the army had a bit of difficulty adjusting to the fact that the great King Bowser was not present.

"So where his evilship? Still gone?" One of the Hammer Brothers asked his guard buddy Koopatrol, a koopa dressed in full spiked armour shell, the elite guard.

"Guess so, and it doesn't look like he'll be coming back any time soon, you know what that means?"

"No…"

"Kammy and Kamek have been stuck looking after the koopalings so…"

"…its party time!" Hammer shouted

"Damn straight! Now I can finally take these spikes off my shell."

"Yeah!" he tossed a wooden hammer into the air, it came sailing down onto his head "Ow!"

"Watch it with those freaking hammers, you're gonna hurt someone one of these days."

--

Kamek and Kammy; Bowser's third and second in command Magikoopas respectively were not looking upon the situation with as much pleasure as the troops. They were in a very big pickle and couldn't sort it out.

It was past the Koopaloings bed time and neither one of them had the nerve to tell them.

"You tell them." Kammy hissed.

"Me? Why me? They'll shred my robes!" Kamek whined.

"What do you think they'll do to me?"

"Nothing you don't deserve."

"Oh that's charming, you've been gunning for my spot ever since the crystal stars incident."

"Which was your fault for not getting the right information in the first place, sending his mightyness on a wild goose chase."

"I'm more trusted than you anyway, were you ever involved in the Star Heaven raid? I was there when he beat Mario for the first time…ever."

"Without me his plan for a new galaxy at the centre of the universe could never have been achieved. I developed all 3 of the major reactors instrumental in his plan."

"Which still failed because _you_ made the glass on the lava shield too thin causing his majesties tail to be burnt!"

"How was I supposed to know King Bowser was going to jump on it?"

"So you blame your king for your failings. That's treason!"

"Treason? ME? Look here Kammy, I've been doing this job longer than you have. I'm the stronger mage, you may outrank me slightly but he just wants to keep an eye on you. He does it every time a particularly gifted Koopa rises through the ranks. You're just a flavour of the month."

"Flavour of the month? Why you little…" her voice dropping down a full octave before a koopa ran passed without his shell, t-shirt or shorts.

"PARTY!!" He shouted.

"Was that koopa just..?"

"Yes."

"Okay…"

"…"

"Maybe I should just check his quarters so that he's not just hiding to get out of meetings."

"I'll come with you." The two concluded, staying well clear, if the Koopalings found that there was a party, those two did not want to have to deal with the fallout. The King's bedroom was probably tied for decorativeness with the Princess's chambers for when she got kidnapped. A large 4 poster bed, plenty of statues of himself yet nothing about his parents. Bowser hated his lineage and as such his first act as king was to have all of it thrown out the window, he wanted people to fear _him_, not his ancestry.

"Hmm… in the event of an extended absence, to Kamek?" The old magikoopa read on finding a letter on the side, it wasn't the Kings handwriting, so what was it doing in his room?

"Well, open it!" Kammy shouted.

Kamek's jaw dropped slightly as he read more and more "My word."

"Well? What does it say?"

"Read for yourself."

_Dear Loyal hench-koopa Kamek. And if it's not you then get your claws off it!_

_I have received an invitation to a fighting tournament along with Mario and the Princess. Lord knows how she got invited, it's not safe for her there. Anyway the point is that this place has links to different worlds, ones that are technically inferior and some that are superior. Most of them the enchanted mushrooms and steaks do not work there. However, that's not to mean we can't take it over. In fact without those accursed shrooms that those damn Goombas stuff in the "?" blocks Mario wouldn't be able to stop me, one touch and he's a goner._

_So here's the plan, if I'm not at the castle for more than two weeks without me on a live sporting event I want you Kamek to go to star heaven, they've protected themselves from Kammy's magic but not yours, with a few magikoopas it should be easy to take the star wand again, wish that there was a portal linking this world to the one I'm in. Take as much building materials and troops as you can and head through it so we can rule another world. One that will be a perfect bargaining chip for Princess Peach's hand in marriage… hopefully._

_To keep this secret I will now smash the Koopa Scribe writing it over the head._

_Scribe: What?_

The two Magikoopas saw the indentation in the paper, probably from the impact.

_Singed his royal majesty of awesomeness, evilness and coolness_

_King Bowser Koopa._

"My word, he developed such an intricate plan without us. Maybe he's smarter than we give him credit for."

"You know what this also means?"

"You're off to star heaven."

"Yes and that he actually trusts me more." Kamek stated smugly before his glasses were blasted off by a magical blast that took the form of a Playstation controller.

--

"So you have actually been here before princess?" Link asked as they walked through Toad town towards Princess Peach's castle.

"Only once or twice, remember when me and Peach and me took our long breaks from the fighting, we spent it here."

"I thought Master Hand said he couldn't open the portals on a whim. Not our portal anyway." Link thought out loud, how was it that she had been to the other worlds and this was his first time, she could have been kidnapped! If it wasn't for Bowser being in another castle.

"He can't the Mushroom Kingdom portal is the simplest of the portals so it only takes a day to calibrate it safely."

"You operate them?"

"No Master Hand does, after a little persuasion." Link thought better than to pursue that point when a flustered Toadsworth greeted them.

"Ah! Princess Zelda, how lovely to see you again, although I wish it could be under better circumstances. You see our Princess appears to be…"

"In another castle?" Zelda completed.

"How did you guess?"

"Call it intuition."

"Well, yes. Or at least that's our guess. The only other time we don't know where she is she's usually trapped in Bowser's castle. Still, we do our best to maintain some degree of order."

"Excuse me but this isn't a pleasure visit." Link interrupted.

"It isn't? oh dear, you are master Link, am I correct?"

"Yes, and we need a way of getting back to our own world."

"Own world? I thought the Princess Zelda was just from some far away, secretive company who happened to have met the Princess under some unknown circumstance."

"It's complicated, but we really need to get back home, sort of like an end of the world scenario only…weirder and much more confusing."

"What about whatever brought you here in the first place?" Toadsworth suggested.

"That's what's causing the end of the world."

"Ah."

"Any ideas?"

"Just one." He answered after pondering for a minute, he led the two Hyilians inside the castle to get away from the crowds.

"This is the second castle that had to be built during Princess Peach's reign. Twice the castle was lifted out of the ground by Bowser and his minions, the Koopas."

"Both times although it was intact on the outside, the insides had been scrambled and scorched, they had to be knocked down and built up again, an exact replica of the original Mushroom Castle."

"So?"

"The first time Bowser lifted the castle was when he had placed his own directly underneath it, during a party the princess was hosting he struck, leaving Mario as its last defence."

"And Mario kicked his ass again?" Link guessed.

"Alas, no. King Koopa finally defeated Mario and held the castle in his possession for two months until Mario gathered the guardians of the skies, the Star Spirits, which Bowser had abused to defeat Mario the first time to take back the castle and control of the Mushroom Kingdom."

"So do you reckon those Star Spirits could help us out?" Zelda asked.

"Its worth an attempt. If star road is open you may reach the observatory by nightfall."

--

"Troops! Assemble!" Kamek called the Koopas, Clubbas, Goombas and shy guys eventually assembling in the main hall, most drunk, some with lampshades on their heads. "Now due to his Royal Badness' absence we have had nothing to do, however! That is all changed, I hold here top secret plans from the King himself! Man the Klown copters, we attack Star Heaven tonight!" He shouted met by a rousing cheer interspersed with a few hiccups.

--

**Suspense! How long had Bowser been planning this? Who will get to Star Heaven first? Why do I continue using questions? All will be revealed soon-ish.**

**PM or review if you have any questions.**


	5. Smash and grab, reuploaded

**Smash And Grab**

**A Return to the world of Nintendo, following on from where we left of last chapter, what will happen as both the Triforce bearers and the Koopa Army head for the same place?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything Nintendo owns.**

**--**

The battleship K.S.S Free Shell, filled with over 100 of the Koopa armies finest (although that is not saying much) was preparing to enter familiar yet hostile territory, after a short flight from the castle they had almost arrived at Star Heaven.

"Troops we are arriving at star heaven momentarily; no doubt there will be some sort of resistance in entry. They will most likely guess our motives as this is not the first time Koopas have invaded Star Heaven, last time it was just King Bowser and Kammy COUGHbitchCOUGH, sorry about that, I may have a cold coming on." Kamek told his hand-picked strike force: a mix of lethality and disposability. Perfect far a high importance job where extra sets of shields are required.

"What if Mario's there?" One of the Boomerang brothers asked.

"Then we will have to resort to using you to distract him while I take the Star Rod and Neutralize the Star Spirits. Any other questions?" Kamek asked.

"When do we get paid?" the other Boomerang brother asked.

"Look, you should know by now that pay day is the 15th and it's only the 12th of this month. Any sensible questions that have some relevence to the task at hand?"

"What sort of resistance will we possibly be up against if Mario isn't there?" A paratrooper spoke up.

"Can't be that great, I mean there just wimpy little stars. What are they gonna do? Use the power of _love_ and _Hope_?" One of the Magikoopas joked sending the force in to a fit of giggles before an explosion shook the airship.

"Status Report!" Kamek shouted.

"Bad news, looks like they've god some kind of cannon powered by the hope and love of the Mushroom Kingdom! The Port side is pretty banged up, another hit there and we may be in for a crash landing." 99 sets of eyes drifted to the Magikoopa who joked about how much resistance there would be.

"Lovely." Kamek said dryly, when will the troops ever learn to keep their big mouths shut? Especially when they go off and tempt fate like that "Man the bullet blasters! Lay a cover fire, I'm going in."

--

The journey from Princess Peach's castle had been a quiet one. As the two triforce bearers climbed to shooting star plummet the low light gave the ground an almost purple hue, chunks of star falling off the path harmlessly, some bouncing a couple of times. At the top a small glowing blue circle indicated that the path to Star Heaven was open from here, the warp point taking them to star road; the long path before the home of the Star Spirits and the Star Rod of which Toadsworth told them about.

"So this is star heaven." Link mused as he finally stopped at the floating continent. A series of open top buildings connected with stairs, the glow of each of its inhabitants illuminating the place with the Observatory being the defining poin in the architecture. A brilliant white dome with blue walls, no telescope but since this was so far up, it wasn't really needed. Quite a lot of the stars lived here anyway.

"Its beautiful." Zelda admired, distant stars bright as ever, the constellations easy to make out, some even seemed to form a picture of Mario himself.

"Look out!" Link shouted, tackling Zelda to the ground as a Bullet Bill dropped and exploded where they were standing a few moments ago.

"What's going on?" Zelda asked, helping herself off the ground.

"Looks like someone had a similar idea to us but went about it a different way." The bangs from the guns of the K.S.S free shell making his point clear.

"The Observatory, that's probably where they're heading first, its probably where the Star Rod is."

--

The observatory at the very top of Star Heaven was shaken by a round of bullet bills that collided with the floating community. Inside, the seven star spirits gathered around the council room with the Star Rod in the centre. Eldstar, the oldest of the star spirits of legend was the first to speak.

"Oh dear, I fear we may be in trouble." Eldstar voiced his concern as the fighting outside started to worsen.

"If any baddie wants to try and take the star rod they'll have to go through us." Musklar spoke confidently.

"The field surrounding this place is specifically designed to repel that Koopa woman's magic. She can't step one foot in here without being completely drained."

"My power should cut down any force they are throwing at us." Skolar continued

"But what if someone does get in here and takes the star rod?" Mamar asked. Fussing over the details as always.

"Then we stop them, our combined powers can neutralise it. The only way is for them to be accompanied by a mage with power enough to add to the star rod to make us less effective against it." Kalmar assured them.

"Oh you'll never know what'll come out when you just listen in the corner." A voice echoed through the building followed by a small chuckle as Kamek stepped out from the shadows.

"One of Bowser's mages?" Misstar asked.

"The elite Magikoopa and third in command to the entire Dark World military also known as Kootopian army. And thank you so much for explaining what I have to do now."

"One problem mate, there's seven of us and only one of you. You ain't leaving." Mesklar challenged, floating over to the senior Magikoopa.

"What makes you think I'm here alone? Koopa Brothers! Get me that star rod!"

"Heheheh, right on old man." Another voice was heard as 4 koopas dropped down from the ceiling, all with different colour shells and matching bandannas around their heads.

"Who are you?" Asked a shocked Misstar

"Glad you aasked us that. We're simply the best." The black shelled Koopa told them.

"Better than all the rest" the Yellow shelled one continued.

"Better than anyone…" The green one added, this time having a slight musical tone

"Dudes, this isn't a song and dance number." The Red Koopa reminded them, he seemed to be the de-facto leader of the group.

"Sorry man." The other three apologized.

"GREEN!"

"BLACK!"

"YELLOW!"

"RED. And together…"

"WE'RE THE UNSTOPPABLE KOOPA BROS!" The team shouted in a premature victory pose before Kamek clouted them with his own staff.

"Less talking, more grabbing."

"Sorry man." Red apologized, rubbing the back of his head.

--

"Help!" A star kid cried out as a Magikoopa and hammer Bro advanced on it.

"Yeah too bad no one but us is here so quiet down!" The magikoopa told it.

"Uh…Hal?" The Hammer Bro poked his war buddy in the shoulder.

"What? Can't you see I'm busy oppressing the weak and helpless?"

"Hal, come on man."

"Okay fine, it better be something important or awesome…oh shit." His voice dropping as he turned around to find the Master Sword pointed at his head. "A sword? That's a bit unfair isn't it?" He said backing away before Link's shield arm picked him up by the robe

"wow, look at the time. I better be heading back to the ship." The Hammer Bro said, withdrawing back into his shell to spin away.

"Wait up Steve! I can't slide in my shell like you!" The Magikoopa called, flailing in Link's grip.

"Link! Leave them, we don't have enough time. It seems Bowser's tried the same thing twice." Zelda panted, having to run fast to keep up with him, not something easily done in a full dress, especially up stairs.

"Which means he'll be after the Star Rod to make himself invincible again."

"Bowser?" Asked a small star, moving out from behind a pillar "I thought he was missing for the past two weeks, there wasn't one kidnapping."

_Wait, It's Bowser's army in Bowser's homeworld trying one of Bowser's old plans, if he's not here then who's taken over?_

--

It was all going perfectly to plan for Kamek, with the Ninjakoopa brothers' help the star spirits couldn't stop him from taking the Star Rod. Then it was just a simple matter of using the star rod to reduce their powers so that they couldn't nuetralise him. This plan would have worked even if Mario and Bowser were here, how long ago had he made this plan? Or at least this particular part of it, the Star Rod could potentially do anything.

"Halt!"

"And what do we have here? Hmm, I don't think we've met before." Kamek said, adjusting his glasses, the green made him first think of Luigi but this was someone completely different, green Tunic blonde without a mustache. That and the sword he was carrying, as well as the usual "goody-two-shoes-expression-of-stop-this-madness-or-else" plastered on his face.

"Give back what you stole from here right now." Link ordered, indicating the Star Rod.

_A new guardian of some sort?_ "You mean this? Sorry but I have a mission to accomplish and I don't really want to disappoint. Goodbye stranger." He tipped his pointed hat as the Star Rod began to glow bright yellow. With a large flash, Kamek, the Koopa brothers and all the Kootopian army had disappeared in a bright flash. When he could see again the flare having blinded him, the 7 star spirits were in a daze but n sign of a forced exit such as a broken window.

"Where'd they go?"

--

Kammy was not having a good day, with Kamek on a mission to Star Heaven she had been left to run the whole castle, this entailed trying to keep a decent patrol around the castle grounds, feeding the chain chomps, maintaining the power generator's lava flow, making sure no-one pushed the blue switches with exclamation marks on them _they're labelled emergencies only, stupid Koopas_ and keeping the Koopalings under control i.e. not setting all the carpets on fire. Of course she didn't really do any of these things; instead she organized who would do what while she leant back in the large leather chair. But for someone her age it was still fairly exhausting. What she didn't need now was for something unexpected to happen now that things were running smoothly again but like most things in this fic, that's exactly what happened.

It's less of a case of expect the unexpected and more of expect the unwanted when Kamek materialised in front of her proudly holding the star Rod. A large series of 'ouch' and 'what' words (some more pleasant than others) told her that the rest of Kamek's force had also returned and most likely was in a heap in the grand hall.

"Kamek? How did you get back here so fast?" Kammy asked, shocked to see them back at all.

"The Star Rod allowed me to teleport here; it really is a remarkable object. No wonder Bowser went to such lengths to obtain it."

"Yes, yes. I know that so can we focus a little more on going to whatever dimension his Mightiness is?"

"Not yet, gather a small portion of troops in this room. I'll create a portal between the two."

"Why? With the Star Rod we hold ultimate power! We can just hop back as we please."

"Maybe, but still I'd prefer it this way, allowing us to have a presence in both worlds. I'm sure he'd agree."

"If he doesn't it'll be Magikoopa soup on the menu you know." Kammy warned.

"I'm aware of that." _Who was that man in green? An aid of Mario? There are very few humans in this Kingdom and even then, they didn't have pointy ears. No-one I've met before has had ears like that either. _"Bring the unusual crew. It never hurts to have meat shields who can actually take a punch."

--

**Note I said "unusual" crew. So we have boss fights ahead for Link. But enough of the Mushroom Kingdom, next let's take a look at how some of the others are doing.**

**Does anyone else notice that my chapters are getting a lot longer in this?**


	6. Diaries Of A King

King's Diaries

**King's Diaries**

**A change in pace is in order to find a loop-hole in my writers block**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot**

**--**

_31__st__ October 1985_

_Finally after all these years of planning I have done it, I got revenge for what the Mushroom people have done for generations to us Koopas. Removing all tradition and so called "honours" of war I kidnapped the princess. Let's see you work now without an heir to the throne now! Ha! In your face King Toadstool! That kingdom will soon be mine once I force her to marry me._

_1__st__ November 1985_

_God Damn it! What the hell went wrong, we defeat the entire Mushroom army only to get beaten by a guy in red and blue overalls and his brother? Seriously, what the hell?_

_23__rd__ October 1988_

_Try this again, this time instead of holding her on the border in a newly built castle I'm gonna hold her in my castle. Let's see fatty try to take her back now._

_24__th__ October 1988_

_GOD FREAKING DAMN IT!!_

_21__st__ November 1990_

_Okay, try this a third time. Hopefully the atomic boos and the Koopa kids can actually hold him back while I take over Dino-land. It's an ally of the Mushroom Kingdom and Princess Toadstool happens to be spending some time there._

_MWA-HA-HA_

_Yeah, that evil laugh works real good. Hopefully the Koopas put extra fuel in the Clown Car._

_27__th__ November 1990_

_Well at least I held on to her for a good amount of time this try. Back to the old drawing board._

_2__nd__ March 1996_

_Oh screw it, I'm out of ideas I'm just gonna snatch her away from her castle or wherever the hell she is._

_9th March 1996_

_Okay…what the hell just happened? It was me and Mario in a climatic showdown to the death and a big sword drops down on my castle? That aint normal._

_11__th__ March 1996_

_So I had to team with that god damn plumber to beat some crazy guy obsessed with making weapons. Who needs weapons? I make do fine with my claw and Mario can jump past most obstacles… although those bullet blasters are nice…_

_23__rd__ June 1996_

_Mwa-ha-ha! I took over Princess Peach's own castle and trapped her in amongst the portraits. Still there's part of me that feels… kinda bad for doing this to her. Probably just gas, that shroom steak must have been off._

_1__st__ July 1996_

_I DO NOT HAVE A FREAKING CRUSH ON PRINCESS PEACH!_

_Do I?_

_It's not like I obsess about making her mine for most of my…_

_Crud._

_Anyway, looks like Junoir's finally able to talk now, shame that he's the only one who probably won't remember his mom._

_Or will he…_

_11th August 2000_

_YES! Finally beat Mario! Heh, the guy never saw it coming. I really out to reward Kammy for pulling that little heist off so well. Oh wait, she's really annoying._

_12__th__ August 2000_

_I don't understand, I went invincible and I still couldn't beat him… what's it gonna take?_

_21__st__ November 2001_

_Hmm, so there are other worlds and this Smash thing was a big fight between lots of them. I like to think I did fairly well…_

… _Okay I did badly but it was because those wusses refused to let us play with items on, I mean when it was just the random matches they were half the fun!_

_9__th__ April 2007_

_So I had to team up with Mario to save a bunch of worlds, but there was one good thing that came out of this whole mess. Me and Peach got married! If it wasn't for the end of the world it would have been the happiest day of my life, currently in the top 5._

_10__th__ April 2007_

_It's not an official marriage. That count Bleck guy wasn't an official priest… I'm gonna go be emo now…_

_1__st__ November 2007_

_MWA-HA-HA! A new plan! I've had Kamek pick up a few things and now I've almost taken over half the galaxy. The Toy Time one can produce enough robots to keep this machine going and can even produce enough to make my reactors. Soon I will have my own Galaxy to myself, with no-one… except Peach and the Kids._

_Still wish that marriage was official._

_31__st__ January 2008_

_I feel somewhat different, enlightened even. I have returned to the tournament that I attended several years prior and it has taken an unsuspected turn, Master Hand who runs the tourney expected us to perform in some sort of grand play of good verses evil with them uniting under the flag of good to take on the creature known as Tabuu. Maybe it was when I fought Tabuu for the first time that I noticed the change, things take on whole new meanings… hmm I notice that Princess Peach was also re-invited. I shudder to think why, maybe Master Hand gets some perverse pleasure out of it._

_Still she seems to have formed a temporary friendship with another Princess, one from the land of Hyrule, perhaps this can be useful to me._

_I also need to start spell checking my earlier entries._

The entries stopped there, it was such a drastic change in style and attitude. To the rest of the world he was still the fear inspiring (if slightly stupid) tyrant. Had he really changed so much so quickly?

"Kamek? Where are you? Everyone's waiting in the lower reaches for you and the Star Rod."

"I'll be there soon Kammy. Just making sure he didn't leave any other notes or warnings." There was something fishy about it all, the magikoopa couldn't suss out what it was.

A large bang was heard outside, something had triggered the bo-omb defence system. He just hoped it wasn't who he thought it was, this was all becoming too much for a Koopa approaching retirement age.

--

**Dun Dun Dun! What happened to Bowser to turn him into something with half a brain? Stay tuned folks.**


	7. Under New Management

**Under New Management**

**This chapter is the first one made since I made the shift from T to M. This allows me a bit more freedom with some of the more… sensitive material. Also has the advantage of being slower moving so that it'll be on the front of the section longer.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot which will no doubt be ripped off to create "Paper Zelda" but with a lot less adult themes. Not that it'll ever be made but it would be freaking awesome and you all know it.**

**--**

It wasn't that big of a gap between the sides of the valley. Okay, that's a lie it was fairly big but it is the space where the river runs 800 feet below and is the natural border between Hyrulian and Gerudo territory.

Bowser inwardly cursed his lack of jumping ability staring at the gap. It would soon be nightfall and that meant the dead would rise from the roads to face re-death at his claws. He wondered if it was some sort of strict magical curfew put in place and the Royal family never got around to removing it when they got less tyrannical and more benevolent.

_Idiots, _Bowser thought, _if you can command the un-dead you put them to some actual work, not have them lurch around a field all day. _

He took a few steps back, maybe if he took a run at it, he could make the gap without making a detour to the lake. He was about to charge it when a portal appeared behind him, causing him to trip.

"Whoever did that is in so much trouble." He growled, picking himself up.

"Your Nastiness!" Kamek shouted heading through the portal on his broomstick.

"Kamek? I was wondering when I was gonna see you again."

"We followed your plan to the letter sire, we have troops ready for your disposal in this… where are we exactly?" Kamek asked, dusting off the King's shell, before actually taking in his surroundings. It was nothing like he'd seen in the Mushroom Kingdom, the closest landscape there was to this was Dry dry Gulch and possibly the desert of the same name that stretched beyond it.

"Long story, bottom line a 'friend' used to run the place over this river, he's not here so we're looking after it for him. It's just a desert but it's a good starting point cuz its already got a fortress." Kamek backed away slightly nervously, the scribes usually did put Bowser's somewhat common tone in more royal phrases but the diary and the letter he seemed to be more intelligent. Maybe it was an image thing, everyone expected him to be duller than a 2 watt bulb so if he kept up the façade in public people would underestimate him. Then he remembered that this was Bowser, the only image he wants people to have is of an unstoppable tyrant. Mario having put a dampener on the "unstoppable" part.

"King Bowser! How lovely it is to see you again."

"Hello Kammy…" Bowser groaned, causing a smile to appear on Kamek in an 'I told you so' fashion, he had already tired of her and he's been missing for weeks.

"We have brought the Star Rod here as you requested oh lord of Darkness." She proclaimed, holding out the mystical item. Bowser looked slightly confused for a second before making a move to snatch it out of her hands.

"Then give it here! Right, I wish there was a bridge across this valley." Bowser shook the Star Rod and nothing happened. "Bridge, now." He shook it a second time "BUILD ME A GOD DAMN BRIDGE!" He shouted, stomping up and down "Okay, did you at least bring the Clown Copter?"

"Yes Sire."

"Good. To the west!"

--

"Sage Nabooru!" A Gerudo messenger called, knelling before the Sage of Spirits and current ruler of the Gerudo.

"Yes sister?"

"An unidentified flying object has landed in the plains to the west."

"When was this?"

"Half hour ago."

"Half hour? Why didn't you tell me earlier! Whatever or whoever that thing is could be at the very footsteps of the fortress by now!"

"I did bring up the whole layout of the Fortress being more akin to a labyrinth in our last council."

"It's so if there are any invaders they have to travel into multiple ambush spots so that no-one catches our patrols off guard."

"Not even if they had a bow and magic arrows, and a grappling hook that shot out in a straight line?" The other guard asked, recalling when the Hero of time broke all security and freed all the prisoners, only one had the nerve to face him after he had taken out all the guards, and strange noises were heard.

"… It still needs some work." Nabooru conceded.

"Puff…wheeze. Okay, whoever designed this place can go to hell, stay there, and be done in the ass by…" Bowser complained, opening the doors to the sage's chamber, panting.

"I did try to advise you that perhaps running with my invisibility charm to get past the fortress' guards was not the best plan."

"There were no freaking throne room windows to crash through so shut the hell up."

"What are you?" One of the guards asked, her curved sword rose to Bowser's eye level.

_Waiting for someone to say that since I got here_ "Your new King." The koopa told them, trying to collect and compose himself.

"What makes you think we'll let a monster like you exist, let alone rule." The great sage asked.

"It's not like I can be much worse than the last guy Bwa-ha-ha!" Bowser laughed, this earned a response from Nabooru; how could he have known? The memory of the events that lead to the bearer of the Triforce of Power's sealing was supposed to be erased in all but the sages, the Hero of Time himself and a select few.

"You know of him?"

"Who, Ganondorf? Yeah, used to play poker with the guy every week. Turns out he was hiding aces up his sleeve, but what can you do?"

"Enough of this!" One of the guards shouted, charging at Bowser with the hopes of cutting him down, but it seemed that his flying friends weren't just for show.

"I don't think they've learnt to respect your authority here." Kammy said mockingly as she placed magical bounds on the Gerudo women.

"Then do what we always do with those who don't respect the rules. Throw 'em in the freaking dungeon!" Bowser yelled, before holding up the captured leader "Except for this one, she's useful enough even if she does have a few attitude issues." Nabooru struggled against the Koopa's grasp, even kicking him in the stomach; the new king of the desert just shrugged it off with a laugh "A little fight in ya? I like that."

--

**Well that's my Dark Knight rip-off-quota filled for another time. Now as it is Halloween at the time of writing I have to create a scare, so here's my scary thought.**

**The OOT water temple**

**With OOT Re-Deads**

**Think about it, if you dare. MUA-HA-HA! And review if you're not completely frightened off.**


	8. The Eternal Toybox

**The Eternal Toybox**

**Rapid departure from the last chapter in the way of scenery and plot focus, I feel sometimes the whole "Bowser in Hyrule" could be its own fic. But now I tackle the heart of the biggest cliché of the fandom (other than Marth/Pit/Roy/Ike/Link being gay).**

**Disclaimer: All things belong to Nintendo and they intertwine within my crazy skull.**

--

Another rupture sending shockwaves throughout the halls of Smash Mansion, to the irritation of one Master Hand "Come on guys, it should have been done by now. You all know your own worlds well enough, find the macguffins and be done with it."

"wow, that Roy really royally butfucked this dimension didn't he." Crazy said.

"Tell me about it." Master Hand whined as a spark just zipped by pinky.

"Aww, you didn't follow on from what I said, I was setting you up for the perfect joke!"

"What joke?"

"That the multiverse isn't the only thing he's royally…"

"I get it now, thank you Crazy. Your attempts at humour continue to be of a standard that makes me want to gouge out my own ears if I had any."

"Glad to know I'm appreciated."

"Where's Mewtwo, shouldn't he be keeping an eye on things?"

"Dunno, heard he went to go meditate. Which is a pretty weird time to do so. If the world's about to end, why not go crazy? Whoop Whoop Whoop whoop AAAGHH!" Crazy shouted as Master Hand pressed a button on his desk shooting over nine thousand volts through him.

--

Mewtwo's eyes shot open at the last spasm of the dimensions, it was really starting to annoy him now, he just hoped that his contact would appear soon.

"_Speak of the Devil." _Mewtwo thought as a transparent square with a white outline appeared in the middle of the room, directly facing him.

"Once again we meet like two two drops of rain that run in converging rivers." A black figure spoke, it was though he was completely constructed out of the Microsoft publisher shape tool, he was 2 dimensional and as such couldn't be seen from some angles and always sported a rather chilling glow-in-the-dark smile

"_Welcome Dementio, I trust your spell went un-noticed."_

"No-one suspects my involvement master, and I must say, for a nexus point I didn't expect it to be quite this… bland." He said, holding up his hand to create some light in the dark room.

"_This is mearly my meditation room, I find it easier to focus without the distractions of material possessions."_

"But that's what makes life fun."

"_The rest of the mansion shares your feelings somewhat."_

"I trust they have been disposed of."

"_Quite simple really, play on one the cast's love for another, plant ideas of how to get here without permission and your magic skills and watch the fireworks."_

"Perfect, let us continue onward like an army at a breach of the wall!"

"_Your knife in the back count just got increased by 3."_ Mewtwo said to himself once the magician of dimensions vanished.

--

"Who's there?" Crazy asked, Master Hand had gone off to assess the damage done to the mansion with R.O.B, but that only left Mewtwo and he never spent much time with anyone.

"Why the pleaser of crowds, the entertainer of hearts D-urf!" Dementio started before an air blast caught him in his paper gut.

"_I said no theatrics yet Dimentio, don't use your name!"_

"But you just-"

"_Just stick to the script."_

"You're no fun."

"I know the feeling." Crazy said, sadly. It was strange for someone who was bouncing off the walls (literally) to be so sedate at this moment.

"Yes crazy, no one truly appreciates us or our accomplishments do they?"

"What? Of course they do! They all know my name."

"But they don't know that you built this place, that you are the power of creation."

"What are you talking about? Master Hand built this mansion, if it was me. There'd be a lot more slides and 3rd parties."

"_Don't continue with this charade Crazy Hand. While although Master Hand has been in charge for eight years now, the original mansion with the 12 rooms was your own design, your own imagination. Bringing together the worlds for fun. To settle the 'who would win' arguments that frequent the playground and the internet forum." _Mewtwo told Crazy Hand.

"Really? That still sounds like Master Hand."

"_Ugh, this is getting us no-where." _Mewtwo said, changing tactics, he used his powers to create a screen, showing part from Pikachu's memories. It started with a white gloved hand diving into its toy box and pulling some figures out, they looked like trophies the way they were all pristine and on those shiny fake-gold stands.

"Who's that handsome hand?"

"Why, its you of course crazy. The early years anyway."

"_Before you found Subspace."_

"Before I…"

"He Erased your memory didn't he?"

"You did? God Mewtwo, you are such a douche!"

"_Not me, Master Hand. He took all credit for using your ideas that stemmed from smashing two dolls together."_

"Action figures." Master hand corrected. They had kung-fu punching action, they are not dolls.

"_Whatever, he stole your creation and now he's getting all the credit, and the money."_

"He did?"

"_Yes. That's what I've been trying to tell you for the chapter."_

"He's going down!" Crazy Hand growled, balling into a fist.

--

**The wheels of the actual plot are in motion. Finally, I can now make Zelda TP: the abridged fanfic.**


	9. Noisy flies

**Noisy Flies**

**A temporary departure from where I left off to a world that is not a fan interpretation at creating a background to make pairings happen and was not made on drugs.**

**Disclaimer: Konami and Nintendo own everything in this chapter.**

**--**

"Keep your guard up, he'll be this way. I'm sure of it." Liquid Snake instructed his guard at the bay, there was an opening to an underwater channel here. It was more than likely Solid Snake would have to start his infiltration from there.

"Sir." The soldier replied, saluting the Foxhound leader.

"Good, continue your patrol. I have to go swat a few noisy flies." He told him, turning around to travel up the lift to get to the heli-pad.

"Noisy flies?"

"The F16s…"

"Sir!"

"Christ they're thick when they're brainwashed." Liquid muttered to himself as the machine whirred him to the main part of the Shadow Moses base.

"Mama-miaaaaaa!!!" He heard from above

"Whose the shouting Italian Stereotype?" He thought out loud, stepping out onto the snow when Luigi fell down on his head.

"Oof… where am I?" The plumber asked.

"In big trouble."

--

"So an Italian with a big nose falls from out of no-where and hits you just as you come out of the elevator? What's next are the _La-Li-Lu-Le-Lo _start firing pasta at us?" Sniper Wolf joked, before her expression turned sour. Damn _La-Li-Lu-Le-Lo _and their _Waffles with maple syrup._

"So what do you want me to do when he comes 'round?" Ocelot asked, eying Wolf suspiciously.

"Mantis, read his mind. See if he knows anything. He wouldn't be normally wearing denim overalls in the middle of Alaska so he's not one of the regular bunch and I really doubt that the USA are that out of ammunition that they have to use Italians. The economic depression isn't that bad." Liquid called to the Foxhound psychic and nut-job-in-a-gas-mask.

"I could do that better while he's out. He will put less of a conscious resistance. _Hmm, let's see. __**Whoa**__!_" Mantis shouted, stunned he fell backwards onto the floor.

"What's wrong?"

"Either he's been playing way to much Nintendo or he's been smoking too many drugs. I got a vision of nothing but Mario games from a first person perspective."

"Now that you mention it he does look a lot like that character…"

"That one who's always the but-monkey."

"Luigi?"

"It is uncanny." Liquid conceded. How could someone who looked exactly like the fictional character make it here in green and blue overalls?

--

"_Why do you continue to stall Dimentio? I have the least thirst for carnage out of the three of us. Yet I know when the time is right to strike. If we delay any further Crazy Hand's actions may prompt Master Hand to flee and I need him alive for the take over. And since you need me and I need him we must strike quickly before he flees or sacrifices himself, Quod erat demonstrandum." _Mewtwo told the two dimensional magician.

"Ah Mewtwo, your intelligence never ceases to amaze me, yet why not find out why I'm holding back?"

"_The last time I read your mind Dimentio, it gave me a headache so big that it almost killed you."_ Mewtwo reminded him.

"Ah of course, how silly of me. It's difficult for you to exceed the limit of dimensions. I just wanted to introduce you to the person who made this all possible. The one who helped provide the final ingredient to the delicious mix of chaos." A human shaped figure started to rise from the shadows, it seemed to be of a female humanoid, covered in a black cloak with sharp designs decorating it "Mewtwo, say hello to M, or to call her by her full name, Midna the Queen of the Twilight." Dementio introduced as the Twili turned around to give them a small smirk, resembling Dimentio's own, only with shark like teeth.

--

**The non-existent Japanese syllables may be a bit confusing to those who have not played all the Metal Gear Solid games or seen the webcomic "Last Days Of Foxhounds" so Google that for details.**

**Oh Noes, Midna's gone bad? Review to find out where the hell I'm going with this.**


	10. Call of the Sages

**Call Of The Sages**

**A Return to Hyrule after a not-so brief departure that involved me creating a possible plot line for all 3 smash games and linking it with the Nintendo (and Sega and Konami) games.**

**Standard disclaimer applies**

**--**

"Why do you continue to hold us here?" Nabooru asked her captor. He was busy eating diner and had been so kind as to remove her from her usual spot of being chained to the wall to sitting down at the opposite end of the table.

"Because your prisoners, duh. I would have thought that was pretty obvious by now." Bowser retorted, gulping back a mouthful of steak… what kind of steak was it though? Actually don't answer that, it is best for some people's sanity never to find out.

"But why do you hold us prisoner? We will resist any decision you make, the Gerudo sisterhood will not be conquered so easily."

"You're right." He admitted.

"?"

"No matter what I do, if it ain't breaking you out of chains your lady friends aren't gonna do it for me. Shame, it'd be good to actually have a small troop of competent fighters for once. Looks like I'm dealing with the Red shell army still." He sighed before turning back to his meal. He could have done with the Gerudo as allies but he needed a foothold in this kingdom before launching his campaign.

"Red shell?" She asked.

"Mooks, guys that serve as nothing but cannon fodder. Completely useless when knocked on their backs like the rest but worse, that kind of thing. The troops with the highest rate of failure always seemed to wear red; probably a coincidence but they still got the name."

"You treat your own soldiers as though they were arrows and you demand that we work alongside you, at least the Dark one didn't have us all rush in for foolish raids."

"But he was only after his own ends whereas if I make a deal with you it won't be with two fingers behind your back. See, if you work for me. You get pulled out of the desert, and don't give me the whole sacred area of my people speech because you, just like Ganon, just like the rest of you would want nothing more than to have that big patch of grass and egos to the east for yourself."

"As if you would give us Hyrule." She scoffed at the idea.

"Oh I would, once I'm done with it, it's all yours." He promised.

"When will you be done with it?"

"Soon as I take it over and negotiate its freedom in exchange for marriage."

"You want an engagement ring?"

"Yup, that about covers it."

"And here I thought the lack of easily visible restraints was an attempt to court me."

"Nah, not my type. Even if you were I've already set out for someone else."

"Aren't you just the romantic." She shot back sarcastically as one of his mages, not the high ranking ones, whose names she had deduced as Kammy and Kammek

"Lord! We receive no word that there is a great hero here, nor are there any rumours concerning Ganondorf."

"No big hero? Well duh, of course there isn't. I already told you he wouldn't be here if I'm here. So what else we got here."

"Hyrule castle itself is guarded 24/7. They are known to wield spears for the most part and have all graduated from a royal military academy. They also train with bows on occasion."

"So their high trained, they got a uniform?" Bowser asked.

"Yes, blue with some… Hyrulian symbol on it."

"We'll be fine. Looks like we won't your help after all, bang go your big opportunity to get out of having sand in your...."

"Sire?" The magikoopa asked, confused at his King's dismissal of a highly trained guard force.

"They're guards of a castle, protecting a royal family which is not despised by everyone, has a uniform and has marksmanship instructions, plus they got some big hero that has to save the world every so often. That means they can't do anything right. We'll do fine if we rush them." Hey if it worked with his Koopas and the Toads, what was to say the imperial marksmanship academy hadn't fudged the results here either "How fast can we get the troops rolling?"

"We'll need to hold some of them back here to prevent an uprising, some to guard the portal from both ends and we don't have full production so we have limited munitions."

"Fine… we'll postpone the attack on Hyrule castle until we get our supplies ready. There's supposed to be a volcano to the east, we could set up a base of operations there."

"Is it wise to talk of such matters, in present… company?"

"Please, she can't leave the fortress unless I say so, no messenger is getting in or out now that we've re-enforced the walls. Now leave, I haven't finished eating." He said, shooing the troopa out.

"How can one person go from savvy to blind in an instant?" He muttered to the captain of the Koopatrol, his eyebrows raised under the full helmet..

"Huh?"

"I mean, first he figures out that every royal guard everywhere are useless at the one job they got. Then he goes and tempts fate by saying there's no way to be getting a message out of the fortress. Which means she's gonna do so tonight."

"Do you think we should put extra security just to make sure?"

"Good idea."

--

Night fell, a chilling breeze drifted through the corridors; Bowser had fallen asleep in the throne after having re-chained Nabooru to the wall. There was one way to get a warning out. She had to mentally contact the 5 other sages.

_Sages of the elements... Forest, Fire, Water, Spirit… wait that's me, Shadow and Light. Hear my call. _She prayed. She felt herself drifting off to sleep suddenly, closing her eyes and opening them in the realm of the sages, the temple of light. 5 other forms soon appeared. A small girl, no more than 10 years old in appearance, a large Goron, a teenaged Zora, and finally a teenaged Hyillian girl and her Shiekiah mentor. The sages had assembled for the first time since they sealed away Ganon in the temple of time.

"_You know you couldn't have picked a worst time for this. My tutor thinks I fell asleep in class again." _Zelda, the princess of Hyrule and Sage of Light complained.

"_I was feeding Lord-Jabu-Jabu." _The Sage of Water, Ruto, Princess of the Zora

"_I was teaching the young princess here, how would it look to find us both asleep?"_ The Shiekiah guardian to the royal family and Sage of Shadows.

"_I thought you were pining for Link again Ruto." _Saria the Sage of Forest quipped.

"_I was not!"_

"_Self denial is a step to madness."_

"_This coming from little miss 'I wish he were a pedo so the fact I'm eternally young would be a turn on'!"_ Ruto yelled at the Kokari.

"_They're at it again brotha?" _The Goron chief asked Impa

"_It seems to be every time they meet."_

"_WOULD ALL OF YOU SHUT UP!" _Nabooru yelled, she didn't call this meeting just for them to get into a mental slap fight_ "The reason I set out the call is because we're about to face another threat to Hyrule. A Beast has taken over the desert and plans on taking over all of Hyrule as an engagement present. That means Zelda, you're most likely going to be taken by them, and it puts Impa at risk because its her sworn duty to defend her. He already has plans for death mountain too so that's the Goron in trouble. And I doubt he would stop there. There is a chance he could wipe out all of us."_

"_What about Link? He saved us last time and if it's not Ganondorf he won't need the master sword and he still has the memory and experience from the ocarina of time fiasco."_ Zelda asked, although he would be no older then 14, he would still be able to help. After all he did manage to brave the Deku tree, the cavern in Death mountain and saved Ruto from being digested inside Lord Jabu Jabu.

"_I haven't seen him since 2 years after that, it was while he was back with the rest of my people. He seems to have disappeared when he went into the lost woods. I fear he may have been turned into a skull kid but there would be a massive shift in the balance if that was the case."_ Saria explained, shaking her head. She would have known if he had been struck down in the forest but it was a straight disappearance. As though he was pulled to a different realm all together.

"_AAAH!" _Zelda screamed as her left hand shone brightly blinding the rest of the sages. The Triforce of Wisdom that had been supposedly sealed away had returned, and was forcing itself onto the young Zelda.

"Zelda!" Nabooru shouted out, the light having displaced her from the plane used to commune between the sages.

"Huh… mommy I don't wanna go to school today… they're mean to me." Bowser mumbled in his sleep. Still sitting on what was her throne. Not that she was possessive of it.

What had caused the Triforce to act so suddenly? It wasn't the removal of one of the thirds, which usually is associated with a low glow in the remaining parts. So what caused the Triforce of knowledge to react so violently? Perhaps this 'Bowser, King of the Koopas' knew something about it. Or if not, one of his mages. They seemed to be the brains of the operation.

--

**What caused the Triforce to go haywire? Find out next time on Divided By Zero**

**Oh wait, this isn't a sit-com. Ah the hell with it. Reviews are like ratings. It's the only way to tell a fan base without looking for it on the internet. Just be glad I'm not FOX.**


	11. Break The Wall Down

**Break The Wall Down**

**Which wall? The 4****th**** wall! Well we are dealing with Metal Gear Solid characters here. They've been doing it for 10 years now in 3D.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the plot.**

**--**

"So what we have here is a fictional character appearing out of no-where and landing on my head. How is this possible?" Liquid asked the rest of FOXHOUND who he had gathered around the meeting table in the middle building. It was the only one with comfortable carpets and wallpaper so was the choice to hold any meetings that could be held there. Which is not many considering a 300 pound Vulcan Raven had to fit through the door and they couldn't afford to replace it now that they rebelled against the USA.

"Perhaps it's to do with the inifinite possibilities in alternate dimensions." Sniper Wolf suggested, earning shocked and confused looks from the rest of the group

"Excuse me Wolf?" Revolver Ocelot asked.

"What? You think all I know how to do is point a rifle and shoot? It gets boring in between targets I have to find something to occupy the time, it just so happens that I occasionally delve into grad level physics theory instead of browsing youtube or Wikipedia." She said defensively.

"Right… and how does this explain our Italian friend here?"

"Well, in different dimensions every possibility is played out such as reversal of genders, election results, sometimes even the laws of physics may change."

"So your saying he's from another dimension that follows the same plot as every Super Mario game ever?"

"Yes." Liquid considered this, if there was a universe based on the Mario games, and there was a way to travel between them as Luigi stumbled upon, and if there were infinite possibilities.

"Gentlemen, I have a new plan. Mantis, get someone to disable both the gas and electricity defence systems in the corridors to the labs. Looks like our resident Otaku may prove to be of some use." Liquid ordered

"What about Luigi?" Decoy Octopus asked.

"Meh, just leave him there, just as long as he doesn't start bouncing on our heads and Mantis, try not to mind fuck him too much."

--

The trip down to the labs was not as smooth as Liquid hoped, the gas took what seemed to be years to clear and it took ages before someone figured out how to get past the electrified floor to shut the thing off. _Next time I'm here, I'll need a remote controlled missile just so I can blow up that stupid generator. _He thought to himself as he entered the labs to find Otacon already cowering in fear.

"Oh god! Please don't hurt me! I already coded Rex to accept the nuke I don't have anything else you people could want!" He shouted, curling up into a ball.

"I think you do Otacon. Come with me, you are going for a little walk in the fresh air. All this basement work cannot be good for you." Liquid said pulling him up and escorting him out of the building and into the main valley courtyard.

"Uhh…"

"Now tell me, did you ever play many Nintendo games as a child?"

"Well… a bit."

"Did you ever complete the water temple on your own?"

"The Ocarina of Time one, Twilight Princess or the third one… can't remember it off the top of my head."

"Let's say Ocarina. They're all basically the same."

"Not really: Although Ocarina of Time was the first 3D Zelda game, Twilight Princess contained motion controls with the Wiimote and the third one…"

"Whatever, did you complete it without help?"

"Not really…"

"What do you mean not really?"

"I never got passed the Forest Temple and the Shadow Temple on my own so I can't really say I did the whole 100% completion including beating the Running man by 1 second by myself. They were just too scary… especially the Re-deads."

"Right… Metroid?"

"Oh yeah. I beat them all 100% It got really scary at points and I probably did loose control of some of my functions but I got everything."

"Good enough."

"Where are you taking me?"

"To the holding cell floor, to be precise it's cell 434. There's someone in there you'll be very surprised to meet."

"Aren't there mines out here though?"

"Stay close behind me and you won't hit one. Stray off the beaten path or try to run away to the parked tank however…" He uttured his most thinly veiled threat possible without breaking the veil.

"O-okay." He muttered nervously, there was the sound of flowing water and the sharp stench of urine.

"Octopus, make sure none of the soldiers eat the yellow snow." He told him through codec.

--

"_Do you mind if I tell you that this has got to be one of the dumbest Ideas you've had?" _A familiar voice called in Liquid Snake's head

_You're going to do so anyway "Dad."_

"_True." _Big Boss admitted.

_You're a dick._

"_And you're an idiot. Seriously, going realms of videogames? What kind of shit are you smoking. You have a walking tank capable of firing a stealth nuke, what do you need the 'oh-so powerful Triforce' for?"_

_We cannot use said tank until we get the over-ride figured out. We would use my dear brother for this but he seems to be absent and replaced by Luigi_

_If we do obtain the override there's still a chance that he might blow it up with a rocket launcher, like he did to you._

"_Yeah, man that brings back memories."_

_You know full well that having the power suit would kick ass._

"_It's not the weapon, it's the Soldier behind it."_

_Like you wouldn't have been better with a laser cannon that could also shoot a variety of missiles attached to your arm and armour that can absorb nearly anything thrown at it._

"_Really? That's what a power suit was? I thought it was just some weird spandex number that freaked out the enemies."_

_This is where the generation gap is obvious, Snake._

"_Heh, long time since you called me that, Snake. You must be getting softer."_

_Oh go fuck yourself in the ass._

_--_

**More plot development? Got this is getting out of hand. We're going to need a flow-chart here. Badly.**


	12. The Master

**The Master**

**Back to Smash Mansion with this arch of the plot. So so far I've got the Bowser/Hyrule sub-plot, the Metal Gear Solid sub-plot and the main plot which is the Smash Mansion alliance consisting now of Mewtwo, Dimentio, Crazy Hand and Midna. Yet there's still more sub-plots to involve the rest of the Smashers but they may be included in some of the other sub-plots. Including a character who has not bee seen before in this fic but is not an OC.**

**This is going to get really complicated.**

**--**

Mewtwo knew Master Hand had some degree of power, he was the destructive force in the mansion, despite what he had tried to convince the others, that crazy was the force of destruction. It seemed simple enough, he was the more unstable of the two but with that instability came a creative spirit. One that Master Hand attempted to crush.

He knew the truth, he always did. No-one could hold any lies against his powers, that didn't mean he couldn't weave his own web. Mostly to mess with others, it had been such a freedom to just be an outright jerk, to not be subservient to any human. He should probably thank Master Hand for giving him that. Taking him away from the hassle of his own world, Mewtwo made a note to put that thank you in Master Hand's epiphany.

Why was he doing it? Was it the lure of power? Controller of Smash Mansion meant that he had control over subspace and some control over all worlds, including MH and CH's own.

Not really.

He wanted to turn subspace into his own sanctuary, send the rest back from where they came from, he would have peace finally. Not even the cave in Cerulean city gave him that peace, he was surrounded by strong pokemon always disturbing his slumber, especially those god-damn ditto. They often tested their strength against others in the cavern and then there were those ever bothersome trainers, often with a master ball in hand.

Crazy hand could always just go back to playing with his toys; Dimentio would be disposed along the way but what to do about Midna? She was an unknown in this equation, he had better try to read her mind, it might be a bit painful if it was anything like Crazy Hand's or Dimentio's mind but nothing was immune to mind reading. Not with his powers.

--

He found them both in Crazy Hand's cage, Dimentio seemed to be getting on fairly well with the disembodied white glove, likes must attract more than opposites it seems. Still what was this lady Midna doing associating herself with Dimentio. Someone who was just greedy for power perhaps?

"Stop that." She warned him.

"_Stop what?"_

"Trying to read my mind."

"_What made you think I was doing that?"_

"The fact that your lips don't move, your floating, and yet I can still hear your words, complete with an accent. You're always using our physic powers so you're probably reading my mind right now, with the way you were staring at me."

"_Just because I can make my self heard without uttering a word does not mean I'm always probing your innermost secrets. Sometimes you have to respect other people's privacy…for your own sanity."_

"Get too much information at one point?" She asked.

"_More than you would believe."_

"Poor Mewtwo…" She cooed, a smile tugging at her lips, she had the gall to mock him?

"_But the way you were quick to assume defensive makes me wonder something. What motive do you have here?"_

"Read my mind and find out."

"_Okay…wait a minute. You're going to try and gross me out here aren't you? Give me too much information."_

"Then I won't tell."

"_There is however, the old fashioned way of obtaining information from someone." _He said conjuring a ball of energy in one hand. He would have used actual force but it wasn't nececary to get the point across, hopefully she would get the point.

"If you love birds are done with the foreplay don't he have a hand to break?" Crazy hand asked Midna and Mewtwo causing them both to mentally puke at the thought.

"The crazy one is right. Let us strike quick as the lightning with the only sound being of our devastation." He said before disappearing.

"_Translation?" _Mewtwo asked_._

"I barely understand him either. Still, fun little anarchist. Reminds me of myself sometimes."

_She dies too._

--

"Took your time…" Master hand muttered, waking up as a square appeared in thin air, complete with one sorcerer.

"Greetings Master Hand, I am the pleaser of crowds the entertainer of royalty, the… what do you mean 'took your time?'" Dimentio asked, _he knows?_

"Did you really think I'd not notice this sort of thing under my nose? I know who messed with the portals other than Roy. So what was the plan? Surprise me with a sneak attack from Crazy while you distract me?" Master Hand asked Dimentio who was temporarily at a loss for words in what is the first documented time in his life.

"GIVE ME BACK MY IDEA YOU BACKSTABBER!" Crazy Hand yelled from the ceiling, diving towards his counterpart who moved out of the way sending him on a collision course with the desk.

"You see this is why I allowed you to stay Mewtwo." Master Hand commented

"_How did you know I was here?"_

"Simple, the same way I can hear you 'talking'. Your powers work two ways, sure there good for invading an unwitting target's mind but it also let's me peel away some of the secrets in your mind. It's a two-way conduit. I've known all about your little plan, it was just a wait for you goons to go through with it." He explained before opening the door to a lot of angry R.O.B units, whether they were angry or they were just programmed to look it is up for debate.

"BEEP."

"As you can see I have little 'distractions' of my own. Now if you excuse me, I have to leave this office for a bit." He said, gliding out of the door and down the corridor, laughing like a maniac.

"_Dimentio?"_

"Yes Mewtwo?"

"_Do whatever the hell you want with him just keep him alive."_

"Alive? You really know how to take the fun out of this." Dimentio groaned as he disappeared in pursuit of the hand.

"_Crazy hand?"_

"Yeah?"

"_It's time for these robots to be crushed, then melted and recycled into something nicer, like lamps."_

"Can do!" He said enthusiastically, charging at the R. wildly knocking down a few of them, the rest hovering out of the way.

"Beep. It's easier to avoid these attacks then previously indicated." The squad leader, probably the one who was involved in the Brawl tournament told the rest of his squadron.

"Destroy the pokemon." The others screechedas they blasted there way to Mewtwo.

"_I don't think so."_ The psychic said, with a snap of his fingers all of the R. that tried to attack him were either knocked back or suspended in mid-air.

"Does not compute, Mewtwo is lowest threat level."

"_Your robots, you wouldn't understand concepts such as holding back."_ He chuckled before smashing two of the suspended robots against each other.

_--_

"Well that should keep them busy for a while." Master Hand mused, it was only a short distance to the portal room from here, he could be in a different world and more powerful than ever before they knew what hit them

"Not all of us." Said Midna, appearing in front of him from the shadows.

"Who are you?" Master Hand asked, the last time he checked Mewtwo's mind there was nothing about a woman being involved.

Midna gave a small smirk. "Your only last hope."

--

**Yep, everyone has their own agenda for this one except for Crazy Hand who is… Crazy, Revolver Ocelot's been giving out free lessons on Xantos Gambits it seems. Don't forget to review if I haven't alienated you with the amount of background knowledge expected here.**


	13. Multiple knives

**Multiple Knives, Few Backs**

"You? What could you possibly get from helping me out?" Master Hand asked the Twilight Princess.

"A simple favour. That's all." She said sweetly

"The last person who wanted a favour is now fighting for his life against several R., so thanks but no thanks." He said turning into a vertical palm, he could just move past her easily if she wanted to get in his way if he didn't take her offer. Master Hand had always been a great believer in the mystical third option.

"Fine, be that way. We'll have to do this my way." Midna said, sighing and creating a small twilight portal on the floor.

"What's with the techno floor?" He asked as she broke into small twilight shards and disappeared into the black and blue portal "Hey, wait!" He shouted as he too burst into shards.

--

"Now, my electronic little friend, where did your gloved buddy run off to hmm?" Dementio asked the one remaining R.O.B, the only one who'd put up much of a fight against Crazy and Mewtwo, the one who'd played the Ancient Minister in the Subspace Emissary.

"I do not know. He does not tell me these things."

"_And yet you still remain loyal to him, how pathetic."_

"What part of 'loyal robot' are you not computing?"

"Hey, what about me? Remember me R.O.B? It's your buddy Crazy Hand. So why don't you tell me where he went and make this nice and simple?"

"I. Do. Not. Know." R.O.B repeated.

"_Perhaps we'd have more luck trying to find him. I doubt Midna's found him if he knows about her. I still can't believe he was part psychic."_

"Yeah well, maybe you'd have more luck letting me just do my thing." Midna retorted, taking form just behind him. Letting the shock of things not going exactly as Mewtwo had planned stew for a while.

"_Would I now? And your proof is..." _He shot back.

"Here." She said as a bunch of twilight shards were spit out of the floor, forming Master hand.

"I hate you, so much right now." The hand growled as Midna blew him a kiss.

"Don't I just know that feeling huh MH?" Crazy hand threatened, now balled up into a fist and shaking with rage.

"Now Crazy, listen to reason here. I had to take over the mansion; I wasn't trying to get all the credit for it. This place needed maintaining and that required me to take a more active role here?"

"But why did you brainwash me?"

"I didn't! Mewtwo did! He's been the one in control here, how else would I have gotten them all to sign contracts?"

"_Please, you've proven yourself to be a psychic. It's well within your power to brainwash them yourself."_

"Yeah! Besides he was the one who let me out of the cage and got rid of the shock collar."

"What do you lot want from me?" Master Hand asked, nothing seemed to be getting through to CH, maybe the shock collar was a bit to far.

"_We want you, to give back control to Crazy Hand."_

"But he'll ruin it! He was going to let Cloud Strife join! I mean Cloud! Cloud! He's the definition of the separation between Square and Nintendo. He's only been on a Nintendo system in one small cameo in a Disney game!"

"_Or we could leave you in a locked room with Crazy hand and Dimentio here to make sure you don't plan any escapes."_

"You're evil."

"_Am I now?"_

"Self-harm is- ow!" Master Hand shouted as Mewtwo struck him with a lightning bolt, someone had been abusing the TMs it seemed.

"_Enough of that… just hand over the mansion keys."_

"I don't have them."

"_What?!" _Mewtwo shouted causing Dimentio and Midna to recoil in pain from a sudden headache.

"I said I don't have them!"

"_I heard the first time. The 'what' was to indicate my shock."_

"Oh and here I thought you were going deaf. AAAAAH!" Master Hand cried out as another, stronger bolt struck him.

"_I SAID ENOUGH!" _Mewtwo shouted, his breathing becoming frantic as he tried to regain control_ "Find those keys. I will have them before the end of the night… or… or… AAGRH!" _He screamed, letting loose his fury, the desk, both the hands and Dimentio being tossed around in the dark vortex that had surrounded Mewtwo. Midna had wisely disappeared.

_So, he who has the keys has the portals under their control huh? Bad luck for him then. _Midna thought to herself once she was the other side of the door, one hand running over her to prevent Mewtwo from staying long in her mind just in case he wanted to scan her, the slow motion and the clear but dirty thoughts should send him packing as she twirled the keys in her other hand giggling softly. _See you soon Link._

--

**Can you count the number of times I broke the fourth wall in this short chapter? Or how many times Master hand did.**


	14. Blast To The Past

**Blast To The Past**

**Now I know this is a sequel to "Ike's Quest For Proof" So a lot of you are probably wondering, just what happened to Ike? Which world did he end up in? Let's find out.**

**Disclaimer: Yeah… I only own the plot of the fic.**

**--**

Whatever had possessed him into thinking that going into a malfunctioning inter-dimensional portal… or whatever the hell it was… was a good plan. Ike remembered when he was first brought into the Smash Mansion, when the portals were fully functional. It had been a disorientating experience to say the least, so naturally one that was completely butt fucked was going to be much worse. It was as bad as the hangover from the day he and Zelda had too much to drink and wound up naked in her bedroom.

Which brings up the question why she would have a bed that had space for both of them? Most of the other rooms were two singles to avoid unfortunate implications but why is it the only room with two girls…

…you know what. I'm going to stop here with that particular train of thought. It's probably because one was always out so that their man could have the side of the bed just in the event of what happened to Ike.

No fem slash jokes here, no sir.

I'm going to stop breaking the fourth wall now.

Yeah.

Anyway, the portal's destabilizing affect on a person's senses had all kicked into overdrive, he had no idea where he was, what time period this was or where his trophy stands went. For all he knew he could be back in the time before the way of the Mad King and have to go through all that stuff again. Then there would be the ever so awkward "I think we should just be friends" moments with Soren _who got the completely wrong idea about my sexuality. It's not that I didn't really like the guy, he was a tremendous help and his loyalty to me was unquestionable just… I don't swing that way._

_Wait a minute, I never told him that before I left for the Smash tournament, and without Samus around I will have to go through that talk. Whose nicely sculpted ass is my hand on? Its almost as though it was made of metal. _

"If whoever is touching my ass doesn't stop they're getting a… a… an…Ice missile, yeah. That. To the face." He heard whoever he was touching murmur in a electronically adjusted voice.

"Samus?" He asked.

"Ike? What are you doing in my galaxy?"

"What are you doing on my world?"

"Your world? Since when did your world have… where are we?" She asked looking around, there were trees for miles around with plenty of undergrowth. The place was a wallpaper of green and brown with the occasional buzz of a nearby insect hive.

"I… don't know."

"Some sort of jungle but I can't get a signal to any nearby satellites, stations, settlements or my ship."

"The terrain is unfamiliar to me as well. Perhaps we should see if there is a way out of this. Before any local wildlife comes and fancies a snack."

"I still have my power armour on. Most things won't affect me."

"It wasn't you I was particually worried about." Ike commented, there was always a possibility that one of those things would be poisonous and there were no staves to cure him.

"Shush," she told him, holding her palm up, and turning her head towards a certain area of the jungle "Down!" She hissed, pulling at his leg as a tranquilizer dart soared just over his hair and into a nearby tree.

"Crap, they're on to me." said a low, slightly gravely voice.

"I can see you. Come out with your hands up or else I blow a hole in this jungle that'll make environmentalists cry." Samus threatened, prepping an ice missile, any incendiary in these conditions would be too risky, but whoever was shooting at them didn't know that. Fortunately the X-Ray visor was the one part she hadn't gotten rid of when her power suit had been corrupted by Phason and didn't decay when the planet supporting the compound was destroyed by her.

"Stupid camouflage, I knew this stuff wouldn't work."

"I know that voice."

"Snake?"

--

"Is that…" Otacon stuttered seeing what he had previously thought to be a fictional character in one of the holding cells.

"You know I didn't believe it myself when I first saw him but sometimes things like this happen." Liquid mused, taking delight in the way Otacon squirmed under his gaze, first him… then Solid Snake, then whoever he was looking at next.

"So what am I here for?" He asked eventually.

"If our Italian friend got here there may be a way back, I want you to find any temporal anomalies, we're giving you access to the main computers under watch from our dear friend. Isn't that right Mantis?"

"Of course… leave him to me." Mantis said, a slasher smile behind his gas mask, this was going to be a fun little distraction.

"AAGRH!" Revolver Ocelot shouted.

"Ocelot? Are you okay?" Vulcan Raven asked.

"I'm fine liquid… just aggravated an old wound, probably one Big Boss gave me." _One in a location where I can't remember what I did to get it? Something's definitely wrong, I need a new plan for this._

"Was he too rough with you or did you just forget the lube?" Sniper Wolf asked

"Burn in hell, bitch."

--

**At this rate the plot's going to become so thick it will become solid… or custard. So totally not a filler chapter.**


	15. The Ultimate Plan

**The Ultimate Plan**

**RPG Cliche number 191: whenever something is called the "Ultimate" it isn't. There is at least one more stronger after Ultimate**

**Back to the Mushroom kingdom I think. There is a lot of unfinished business here and it's going to bug me a lot if I don't do it.**

**Disclaimer: You know it by now.**

--

Guard duty is one of the worst jobs an evil ruler can assign to a few minions, especially if its guarding something important, like say… an inter-dimensional portal that could scupper plans to rule both worlds if it fell into the wrong (or right as the narration dictates) hands. Therefore it automatically had a low survival rate and that some nut job would be there to use it within the hour. And if they could get down to the basement, past all the lava and spike traps not to mention the Boos, Hammer Bros. and Koopatrol, a few koopa troopas weren't going to be doing any major stopping would they?

As such it was reserved as a particually nasty punishment duty for people who really cocked it up. It was a surprise Bowser himself wasn't guarding the portals.

"We're gonna die here aren't we?" One of them asked his friend.

"What makes you say that?" The other asked back.

"I can just feel it in my shell, something major's gonna go down and it'll take me with it."

"No it wont, I have a plan." The second Koopa said, producing a large curtain and hanging it over the portal in the wall.

"Okay… so you covered up the portal, it's still going to be suspicious to find two Koopa's guarding a curtain."

"That is why we have these." He said, bringing out a small cardboard box, peering inside it the expression of doom became a small smirk.

"Oh that's good."

--

You people are probably expecting a large and epic description of Link fighting his way through Dark Land territory to get to Bowser's castle around about here aren't you? I mean, I teased an action scene earlier but I didn't deliver. Well tough luck with that, and it's not a baseless cop out either this time, oh no. I have a reason for not writing a long trek through the winding paths, multiple themed lands and airships that you would expect there to be if say Mario was trying to rescue the princess Peach. You see, in Bowser's haste to make a move to conquer Hyrule he had overlooked one major thing.

Most of his loyal Koopas he took with him would have been guarding the road leading up to the castle were now in Hyrule doing his dirty work there. Leaving an easy road for the Triforce holders to travel down.

Well it wasn't that easy…

"Who designed this accursed road with so many pitfalls and jumps?" Link shouted after almost falling in the water for the third time, glad to have his clawshot to grab the edge. Seriously, whoever was in charge of the road repairs here had some serious work to do, there where bottomless pits everywhere. No wonder every time he rescuses the princess it's still considered an achievement. The worst he had to deal with was quicksand and the Lakebed temple.

Link really hated the Lakebed Temple. It said that a large amount of water based puzzles triggered something deep within him, an inbuilt blood lust to see whoever built those damn things torn to shreds, preferably by his own blade. One animal instinct that had nothing to do with his wolf form.

"Not one for subtley is he?"

"No, he's not."

"Nor is he one to remember to lock the door it seems."

--

"Did you hear that?" One of the guard Koopas asked, leaning against the curtain that was covering the inter dimensional portal.

"It sounds like someone's yelling incoherently. And apparently is cutting shit up."

"Better get these disguises on then, and pray they work." He said pulling out the coardboard box and extracting two disguises, those of a Toad servant.

"Thank you for saving us but our portal is in another castle." They chimed in unison when Link and Zelda.

"Portal? I thought we came here for the Star Rod."

"Uhh…" One of the stuttered.

"See you back at Toad Town!" The other shouted before taking a very hasty exit.

"Yeah, thanks for clearing the hallways and all!" The other one said tossing away the Toad disguise. It was a dumb and doomed idea from the start.

"Link, be careful. You don't know what awaits you the other side of that portal."

"I know, we could be walking into all of his forces the other side of this thing, but we have to find out where he's taken the Star Rod. It might be our only way back. Wherever it leads I have to go through it."

"Let's do it together then."

--

In Hyrule castle, Rauru the sage of Light worked away at the many nuisances that a kingdom without a king can have. For one it fell upon his shoulders to keep the whole system from falling apart, albeit it was his job initially but now he could no longer point the blame at the king if it all went to pot. The only royal remaining was the Sage of Time, the 14 year old princess Zelda.

"Brother!" He heard a low voice shout out. Only one person would be able to reach here and speak like that.

"Ah, I see you are in good stead Daruia, to what do I owe the pleasure?" He asked, opening the door for the Sage of Fire

"Some weird turtles been snooping around Death mountain, never seen them before. They walk and talk just like fellow Gorons, brother."

"A new Sentinent spiecies? That seems awfully much to get in a fuss about; do you have any evidence that they may be a cause for concern?"

"Daruia not tell many people this, this between brothers. I've seen them sand people on the trail as well, could have got them past Kakariko guard. They're smart, they have leader, he may also be Gerudo leader."

"A Gerudo plot? This is a problem, I will not allow another raid on castle grounds. Especially after what happened the last time." He said, shuddering slightly, although they stopped Ganondorf obtaining the triforce the effects of the Castle raid we're still present, and relationships with the Gerudo even more strained. Politics was a nasty little thing, especially if it got its big brothers war and riot to join in.

"King was a good brother, very loyal." The Goron chief said in a respectful tone of voice.

"Yes, he was a great ruler. It was a shame he trusted that man Ganondorf, but we all did back then. He managed to blind us all to his treachery, even brainwashing his own followers into going along with it…"

"These are events that best left unsaid; we are not full sages in this world."

"Not until the next person tries to pull out the Master Sword while he's too young. What ever happened to the young boy?" Rauru asked.

"I don't know brother, he disappeared a few years ago. Could be with the forest." The Goron shrugged

"That would explain why Saria's in such a good mood recently… and Ruto in such a foul one." Rauru mumbled.

"What was that brother?"

"Nothing. I'll have Impa escort you back to Kakariko."

"Shouldn't she be guarding Sage leader?"

"…" Rauru calmly sat down at his desk, he had hoped to avoid this, but he couldn't have noticed that little shudder when he reffered to Zelda as 'Leader of the Sages' "While princess Zelda is fairly astute, I doubt her judgement can be accepted by the rest of us seeing as she does not hold the Triforce of Wisdom in this timeline. While her ability to see through the Dark one's schemes was invaluable and if acted upon would have probably saved the king and we'd be picking red hair out of the upholstery for a while, it was her plan that doomed us all in the first place. She lacks discipline, a large amount of restraint, and while we all have a firm sense of justice hers tends to cloud her judgement."

"Those are big words Sage of Light."

"I thought you would be able to understand large words, not that I meant any offence by that."

"Big does not always mean long, big can have many meanings."

"I think I see what you mean. But think about it, all six of us lead by a child? I can accept Ruto and Zelda being members but you wouldn't accept her as a leader would you?"

"What about Saria?"

"Saria… well I guess she's only a child in physical appearance. So she could be the leader of the sages." Rauru conceded.

"The same is Zelda. They are children only in body. She remembers the seven years, she remembers the hardship, she remembers being one of the few to survive Ganondorf's reign as King of Evil, she remembers what brother, no, Hero Link was, is, and ever will be."

"…"

--

Meanwhile in the skies above Hyrule castle what little of the 3rd airship armada Bowser had been able to assemble was ready to strike the castle at a moments notice, they had it all figured out. They'll simply drop paratroops throughout the grounds leaving Bowser and a few Magikoopa to take the castle. Once it had begun they would be assisted by the Gerudos that actually sided with them. While that was going on another expansionist troop would invade the death mountain volcano, placing the heat converters among other devices in the crater while a small bodyguard force led by General Guy of the Shy Guys stopped any interference.

"Sir! Everything is in place! Our fleet is ready to strike both Death mountain and Hyrule castle." Kammy the Magikoopa reported

.

"Excellent, what defences do they have?" Bowser asked.

"No artillery, like you said it was just a few spearmen guards. They wouldn't last long against a goomba swarm."

"Perfect, any word from the other unit?"

"They have all the tools they need to begin production within 10 hours of deployment, production of bullet bill launchers will start tomorrow if we strike today."

"Bwa-ha-ha! Great! They even have a large enough window to break through here. READY THE CLOWN COPTER!"

--

**No-one can make "ready the clown copter" sound menacing, it just… well it's a clown copter! Unless it was a Joker copter, that'll work. And I fixed a mistake I made earlier in this fic, if you didn't notice then… what mistake?**


	16. Its Begining To Look A Lot Like Smashbro

**Its Beginning To Look A Lot Like Smash Bros**

**Yes I did make up the title just parody "Its beging to look a lot like Christmas," however I have no song parody. Now I could make a Team Fortress 2 parody of it but it's been done already. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the complex plot which I am pulling out of some weird location, could be my brain, could be my arse.**

**--**

"Ho hum."

"What's wrong Liquid?" Revolver Ocelot asked, watching the leader of the now terrorist group, former elite special forces unit FOXHOUND fiddling with the pens on his desk.

"Nothing, nothing is wrong. Everything is set up for Solid's arrival, Octacon is sorting out the cause for Luigi's appearance, and even if that search turns fruitless it is no big loss."

"Bored?"

"Yes, and the U.S. stopped sending aircraft to distract us for when he arrives. Perhaps they've given up now and may actually give in to our demands while all we have is a walking nuclear tank which we can't use because their agent which they were supposed to bring out of retirement hasn't activated it yet."

"Maybe we won't need to activate it, we've still got the nuclear stockpile and that's enough to hold the world to ransom, sure we don't have the surprise factor that we would have with Metal Gear's rail gun but still, better than nothing."

"Maybe your right but I'd still like to have first strike capabilities. Wait, the code is only for Gear correct? If my brother doesn't show we could just remove the rail gun and we'll just use that. If Snake isn't showing we won't need mobility."

"Still, one man with a rocket launcher could take it out, like what happened to the last 2 attempts at holding the world to ransom with nukes."

"That was my father's error, he underestimated the one who stole my chance at revenge. I hope you don't expect me to make the same mistakes that old fool made." Ocelot's expression quickly dropped into a frown, _how dare he._ Ocelot thought, _How dare he belittle the achievements man who's done more for my mother than anyone else._ _You're the fool here Liquid, not Big Boss, and certainly not me._

"Excuse me, I think Wolf's trying to contact me." Ocelot ad-libbed, he needed to make contact with a certain someone.

"Don't get too close to her, you know what happens to the people she loves." Liquid quoted his earlier conversation with Ocelot about Sniper Wolf's… romantic habits.

"That's only if she crushes on them through the sniper scope… she's trying to kill me isn't she?"

"No, just keeping an eye on the person with Chronic Backstabbing Disorder."

"Whatever…" He grumbled before walking out of the room, down the corridor so he was underneath the surveillance camera and tapped in to one of the most secure codec frequencies in the world "President Sears, where the hell are you?"

"_I'm in a meeting right now. Talks about nuclear disarmament. I don't have time to listen about how well your attempts at stealing a nuke tank the Patriots are building."_ The president of the United States replied.

"Make time, your little brother hasn't shown his face and none of the dumb-ass genome soldiers are dead from bullet wounds or broken necks."

"_Solid Snake hasn't shown? He got assigned the mission and launched a few days ago, and your sure he hasn't shown."_

"Look, I can tell when there's a snake in the grass and I'm telling you the only one here's blonde with a fake British accent."

"_Impossible. Is there something else you're not telling me?"_

"Nothing that's going to hurt this plan Solidus." Ocelot said, putting his skills as an agent of the Patriots to good use, they always had a way of manipulating words around to tell you both the truth and a lie at the same time.

"_Don't contact me again then, keep phasing out to use the codec and someone will figure out that your not working for them."_

"Please, if you can't figure that I'm not on your side. I doubt these idiots will figure it out either." He said after the president cut him off.

"OCELOT!" Liquid shouted from his office. A sinister smile on his face.

"Yes sir?"

"The nerd has results, he's traced down the disturbance to one spot, it's moved from the sky over Shadow Moses to the hanger."

"The hanger?"

"Correct, its currently located directly under Metal Gear."

--

When FOXHOUND had been told there was a space time disturbance underneath metal gear, they wxpected it to have more of an effect on the surroundings, one does not punch a hole in the space time continuum without making an impact first. Then again, no-one had punched a hole in the space time continuum before and this could have proved any theory wrong. A two dimentional circle directly under Metal Gear, with a variety of coloured effects didn't even effect the dust on the leg of the Nuclear walker.

"So who's going to jump into the void?" Liquid Snake asked.

"We do not know what's on the other side." Sniper Wolf pointed out.

"If its where the game character came from, my guess is it'll lead straight to a drug trip. So I vote Vulcan goes in first." Mantis said.

"Oh sure, take the man who's in contact with this earth into another, that will work well." Raven replied bitterly.

"If it leads to the Mario world, they won't be accustomed to guns so we need concealable weapons if we are to avoid creating trouble, at least for a little while." Octopus contributed.

"Hello, Mushroom Kingdom? They couldn't put up a fight against an Italian plumber, we're all trained killers. They wouldn't stand a chance against any of us." Revolver Ocelot

"Fine. Ocelot, Mantis and Wolf will go through the portal. Me, Octopus and Raven will remain here. We have a recording of Mantis' brainwashing song so there will be no rebellion, at least for a short while." Liquid ordered, waiting for the 3 to jump into the unkown. Decoy Octopus was trying hard not to laugh at his co-worker's misfortune of being picked.

"If we don't make it Mantis, I want you to know one thing." Ocelot said before jumping in.

"What's that?"

"I hate you."

"Hate you too, bitch."

--

On the GFS Viridian the labs were in full operation, trying to find any piece of data about the small, yellow, rodent-esque creature that appeared in the hull.

"Any results?" The messenger asked?

"Bio scans don't recognise it sir. It's DNA structure is unknown to the system and there are no close matches. Whether it contains any infectious diseases is unknown to us as well, any virus may work on a different chromosome pattern."

"So it could be deadly, it could be harmless, bottom line is we don't know. Tell the navigators to set a course for the nearest scientific federation base. Maybe they can work out what it is, even if they have to dissect it. But first move it to the stasis bay, we can't take any risk." The head scientist on board summarized. The closet base was a good day journey away even with hyperspace.

"Yes sir." The messenger replied, moving to pick up the small creature, it looked so harmless as it was, not at all like some of the Space Pirate creations, it was even kind of cute, something they had no appreciation of. Maybe all it wanted was some warmth and… "AAH! It attacked me!" He shouted after Pikachu unloaded several hundred volts through the protective suit, it wasn't enough to do any damage, but enough to make the man recoil, giving Pikachu a chance at freedom.

"Don't let it get away!" The scientist shouted, closing the door and dropping the force field that locked it.

"Pika!!!" Pikachu screamed, letting loose another thunder shock, this time short-circuiting the force field causing the door to open which it quickly scurried through.

--

**Thought I'd forgotten about Pikachu did you? Oh no, he's in for a few more surprises later. Once I get some progress with the other arcs out of the way.**

**Its 5 stories in one!**


	17. Divide by Zero: Samus Eater

**Divided By Zero: Samus Eater**

**New chapter with apologies to Hideo Kojima and whoever made Metroid and Fire Emblem. Another Side to a previous chapter.**

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Nintendo, Konami or Whichever music group made the little song at the end.**

**--**

**August 23****rd**** 1964, Dremchij in Southern USSR, a 60 miles north of the Pakistan border**

"Major Tom, do you read me?"

"I hear you Snake."

"I see two scouts, their packing AK-47s and Grenades.

"Must be KGB agents, keeping Sokolov in place. Remember, you can't be seen and you can't kill them. Doing so would provoke an international incident. But if you can shoot them with the tranquilizer that should do the job for you."

"Huh?"

"Something the matter Snake?"

"Those two guards just passed out! Something's here."

"Do you think you could get close to one of them? Find out why he passed out."

"Sure thing, Para-medic. Slightly blue, eyes closed."

"A sudden lapse of oxygen. It sounds as though most of the contents of their lungs got drawn out, in turn removing some of the oxygen from the blood stream. But I can't figure out what caused it. Get out of there quickly, whatever it was that did this to them must still be around."

"What about Sokolov? We can't risk keeping him here can we?"

"He's right Para-medic. This mission is of the utmost urgency, abandoning it now could have any number of negative side effects."

"Still…"

"Snake. Procede with caution, more so than just to avoid the snakes and guards, but whatever this new phenomenon is, could be some type of poison so be careful around the grass areas, we don't know what's in there."

"Roger that, over and out."

Something was definitely wrong here, whatever happened to them didn't look like the work of a snake bite, even if the nuclear testing had mutated it beyond normal venom. Better to play it safe though, keeping an eye out for any wild life that might have caused it he crawled through the undergrowth, still, the KGB guards were down. "Shit!" He shouted as a large black sphere, surrounded by sparks of electricity appeared out of no-where. Seriously it didn't even fall from the sky! It expanded right in a clearing, dropping off two people. One was probably male, probably due to the fact he was wearing very weird clothes, he couldn't quite see the face and he/she had blue hair. The other… well he appeared to be made of metal painted orange except for the green visor.

"If whoever is touching my ass doesn't stop they're getting a… a… a… missile, yeah. That. To the face." The person in the metal armour said, the voice was so… electronic, artificial, it made it impossible to tell if it was a man, a woman or some crazy robot that came from a Sci-Fi movie that Para-medic had probably seen.

"Samus?" The other one asked, low voice. Clearly male, but the blue hair still raised questions.

"Ike? What are you doing in my galaxy?" So that was his name, Ike. But what was that about his galaxy.

"What are you doing on my world?"

"Your world? Since when did your world have… where are we?" _Okay this is getting weird._ Snake thought as the two continued to talk as though they weren't speaking English inside Soviet Territory. Dangerous business. He started to raise his tranquilizer gun when he got a better look at the armour's right arm, some form of cannon or rocket launcher attached to their arm? Deadly but the recoil must be a bitch.

"Shush," Samus told Ike, holding her palm up, and turning her head towards a certain area of the jungle "Down!" She hissed, pulling at his leg as a tranquilizer dart soared just over his hair and into a nearby tree.

"Crap, they're on to me." Snake whispered, why did he fire off that tranquilizer dart? It could have knocked the blue haired man out but that would have only annoyed Samus, and he didn't have anything that could pierce armour on him and somehow he doubted CQC techniques would work well on robots. "Stupid camoflauge, I knew this stuff wouldn't work." He murmured, the cannon pointing directly at him.

"I know that voice." Ike said.

"Snake?" Samus asked. The game was up, someone was on to him, and they even knew his codename, something even the Boss didn't know until he told her.

"Okay, you caught me." Naked Snake said standing up with his arms raised in surrender, dropping his tranquilizer pistol to the floor.

"Snake? Why you acting like this? Don't you remember me?"

"Remember you? Who are you?"

"Don't you remember me? I'm Ike. You were hiding in the ladies changing room in a locker, I had the same idea but you had already taken the unlocked one so I had to jump up onto the locker set while you got busted."

"I don't remember that."

"Ike, its not the same person."

"It's not?"

"He looks a lot like Snake but there are a few differences, lower tech outfit, primitive firearms, something that would have gone obsolete… about 30 years before Solid Snake's time. I think this Snake's not the one we're looking for."

"..?"

"You, start talking. We want to know a lot of things here."

"Can't do that, you might give away confidential information."

"Do you really think anyone with can interrogate someone who's arm can clear a forest in less time than it takes you to think of an innuendo?"

"Fair point..." Snake mused, removing his ear piece and turning off his radio, he wouldn't want to get interrupted while explaining his mission.

--

_Jack, I've got some important news. The head of the CIA has finally given us the green light for the Virtuous mission._

_Virtual mission?_

_No, the Virtuous mission. The future of our FOX unit depends on it. If it succeeds, we'll be officially organized into a unit._

_Virtuous mission? Sounds like some kind initiation ritual._

_Don't get cocky. This isn't a training a op._

_Right. So what exactly is this wonderful mission?_

_Well... About two years ago, a certain Soviet scientist requested asylum in the West through one of our moles. His name is Nikolai Stepanovich Sokolov. He's head of the OKB-754 Design Bureau, one of the Soviet's top-secret weapon research facilities, and the East's foremost expert on weapons development._

_Sokolov... isn't he that famous rocket scientist?_

_The very same. On April 12, 1961, the Soviets achieved the first manned space flight in history._

_The Earth was blue, but there was no God._

_Well spoken. The rocket that carried Yuri Gagarin into orbit was the A1, known as the Vostok rocket. Sokolov is said to be the man most responsible for the multi-engine cluster used in that rocket. After Gagarin's flight, Sokolov left rocket development to become the head of the newly established Design Bureau._

_Jack: From a lowly technician to the head of a Design Bureau, that's quite a success story. So why'd he want to defect?_

_It seems he'd become afraid of his own creations._

_Afraid?_

_Call it a crisis of conscience._

_And for that, he left his country and his family behind and went over the fence?_

_Not exactly. One of his conditions was that his family was also to be taken safely to the West. We used a mole to get the family out first and succeeded in sneaking Sokolov over the Berlin Wall shortly afterwards. I was the one who conducted the operation._

_The security on the Eastern side was still full of holes back then. Then what?_

_We got Sokolov over in one piece but the whole ordeal had left him exhausted, and we checked him into a hospital in West Berlin. It took him two weeks and over 600 miles to get from the research facility in the Soviet Union to Berlin. He was in no condition to say anything coherent. And it was only a week later that we had something much bigger on our hands._

_The Cuban Missile Crisis._

_October 16, 1962. President Kennedy received word that the Soviets were in the process of deploying intermediate-range ballistic missiles in Cuba. The president demanded that the Soviets dismantle and remove the missiles. At the same time, he announced a naval blockade to prevent further missile shipments from reaching Cuba. But the Soviets didn't back down, instead placing their armed forces on secondary alert. Soviet transport ships carrying missiles continued on course toward Cuba. US and Soviet forces went on alert for an all-out nuclear war. Frantic negotiations were conducted through the UN's Emergency Security Council and unofficial channels to end the hair-trigger standoff. Finally, on October 28, the Soviet Union agreed to remove its missiles from Cuba. And so the world avoided a nuclear holocaust. But in order to get the Soviets to pull their missiles out, we had to make a deal._

_You mean the one where the US agreed to remove its IRBMs from Turkey?_

_No. The Jupiter IRBMs deployed in Turkey were obsolete and we were going to get rid of them anyway. They had no strategic value whatsoever to either the US or the Russians. The Turkey deal was a ruse - a cover story that was fed to the other intelligence agencies around the world._

_So what did the Russians really want?_

_Sokolov. They wanted us to return Sokolov._

_You mean the Soviets pulled out of Cuba just to get their hands on Sokolov?_

_That's right._

_What the hell was he working on?_

_At the time we had no idea. We were running out of time. It was either give up Sokolov or risk full-scale nuclear war. In the end, we had no choice. President Kennedy gave into Khrushchev's demand. The next day, I got Sokolov out of the hospital and handed him over to agents on the eastern side. Sokolov kept on screaming "Save me!" until he disappeared from my sight. Then, a month ago, we received some new information from one of our moles._

_About Sokolov?_

_Yes. He was taken back to the research facility and forced to continue working on the weapon in question under KGB supervision. What's more, it's on the verge of completion._

_So? What kind of weapon is it? Something to do with space rockets?_

_No, missiles._

_Same technology._

_I guess you're right. We don't know the details but it appears to be a new kind of nuclear device. For a year now the Soviets have been conducting frequent nuclear tests at Semipaiatinsk._

_Something to do with the weapon I assume._

_We're talking about a secret weapon so big that Khrushchev was ready to pull out of Cuba to get it back._

_Is Sokolov still in the facility?_

_According to our intelligence, he's in Tselinoyarsk, a place in the mountains about 3 miles to the west that's known as the Virgin Cliffs._

_The Virgin Cliffs. Nice name for a Virtuous mission._

_They moved him there just recently._

_Why?_

_Apparently they're conducting a field test of the weapon. But it's our best chance to get him back. This mission would never have been possible if he were still in the research facility. This is our last chance. Sokolov must have known that, too, when he contacted us._

--

"Vulcan, you've been awfully quiet, I would have thought you'd be celebrating the departure of someone who can control others with their mind, and Ocelot." Decoy Octupus asked, instead of meditating the shaman was pacing around the cold storage room.

"Something is gravely wrong in this world Decoy, Ocelot knows it too." He said solemnly.

"Gravely wrong with the world? In a spiritual sense or the fact that Psycho Mantis was born without the need of pentagrams?"

"The spirits only tell me this: that which may eat a snake can seriously wound a cat."

--

_**What a thrill**_

_**With Darkness and silence through the night**_

_**What a thrill**_

_**I'm searching and I'll melt into you**_

_**What a fear in my heart**_

_**But you're so supreme!**_

_**I give my life**_

_**Not for honour, but for you (snake eater)**_

_**In my time there'll be no one else**_

_**Crime, it's the way I fly to you (snake eater)**_

_**I'm still in a dream of the snake eater**_

--

**Time and Space, completely messed up. Now with a musical number.**


	18. Of Decoys and Detours

**Of Decoys and Detours**

**Oh how this is going to get really awkward, really quickly. Curse you, time and space!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, not the characters, not the locations, nothing what so ever except the plot.**

**--**

In the back streets of Hyrule Castle town a perculiar sight was available to those not completely interested in something else or drunk. A small pot plant had seemingly sprouted legs and started waddling towards the castle, after bouncing off several walls. It was a good thing the general populace wouldn't notice anything short of a wolf coming up through the main road with a furious expression, one that indicated it was out for blood or something, hopefully not theirs.

They also wouldn't have noticed the slow increase in the number of turtles, and the fact that whoever says "There's good eating on one of those" tended to end up dead the next morning from a variety of effects such as: magical burns, blunt impact from a hammer or having the head removed from the body cleanly.

That's because most of them are town folk NPCs which don't have names and are as such cannon fodder for an invading force, even when they're trying to remain incognito.

Unless one of them is an author insertion in which case they will be un-killable until a hacker takes a dislike to them so they can re-write the code just for the purposes of killing what is most likely to be called a Mary Sue if it was made in the mind of some fan… Damn it! I'm breaking the fourth wall again.

Still, after getting through the market, the pot withdrew its legs once it was free from the risk of being spotted and started to shake a bit, as though the plant was trying to break free of its confines of the pot.

Well it was partly a plant that came out of it. A small Deku Scrub broke free, looking around the castle gates to see if there were any guards before climbing a wall covered in ivy to the east, memorizing the route to the castle that would lead him right past the guards, who in four years had failed to alter their patrol routes.

At all.

The Deku scrub continued on, hiding in the last stretch of the path through some bushes that camouflaged him very well.

However a bush camouflage could only go so far as he stopped on the edge of the moat. A bright flash of light later and an adult Zora dived from the bushes and into the fresh water. Unnoticed by most, but not all.

"Did you just see a fish jump out of that bush?" A guy hidden in another shrubbery asked before two masks appeared, these were spy guys. Infiltrators under the command of general Guy. Not much to distinguish them from regular Shy Guys except for the fact they loved to wear camouflage and used slingshots a lot.

"Yeah. Do you think we should report back to King Koopa?"

"Too late for that, better keep a close eye on it though, may want to get a quick message across to Doop."

--

"CAN'T THIS KINGDOM GO ONE BLOODY DECADE AT PEACE?" the palace guard shouted as he ran through through the corridors, trying to avoid going in the line of sight of the windows as whatever was attacking them seemed to be in the habit of breaking every single window sending ribbons of skin shredding glass everywhere and the official armour didn't exactly cover every single bit of skin.

"Sir!" Part of the guards shouted, saluting their superior as per training.

"Don't just stand there, get to the defense towers!"

"But what about the corridors? All the windows have been broken, any invaders could just jump in."

"And they'll be greeted with a leg full of broken glass, so unless you want a face full of the stuff, GET MOVING! IF you're quick you'll be able to take out any force before it lands in the halls." He commanded.

"Yes Sir!"

"Ahh… my throat really hurts from all this shouting." He said, pausing in the corridors to take a sqig from a hip flask before continuing down the many halls, eventually knocking before etenering the princess' chambers. "Princess, we have a situation here."

"In a small part because of you." A deadpan voice said before an arm quickly wrapped around the guard captain's throat.

"Impa!" The young princess Zelda shouted in surprise.

"Wha? Hey! Let me go! I'm the captain of the guard here! You can't do this to me!" the man struggled against the Shiekieh's grasp, trying not to let it throttle him.

"Well not to the captain of the guards, but I am allowed to interrogate impostors." Impa said, causing the captain's eyes to go wide.

"But…how did you find out?"

"For one, no-one ever addresses Princess Zelda as just 'Princess'. Second of all we Shiekiah have a way of finding out the truth."

"Oh. Well nuts to that plan." He said before exploding in a small cloud of dust allowing what looked like one of those small sheet ghosts that the children tried for costumes on a budget when they couldn't afford the prices at the happy mask shop. Only this one had a small cone hat.

"What are you?" the young Zelda asked

"Well maybe if you had some sort of divination or source of infinite knowledge, or the internet. You'd know. But I ain't telling you. Besides, haven't you got a Kin or something to be saving if this is the princess?" The ghost thing taunted.

"Rauru." Impa whispered, they didn't have a King but he was the closest thing to one, and he was a sage alongside herself.

"So that's the old guys name, I wondered what his name was when I told the boss but I figured 'Old, greying, big beard , loves expensive robes and does a lot of paperwork' narrows it down somewhat- ooh the colours…" The ghost trailed off as Zelda threw a Deku nut that was concealed in her draw at it, stunning it quite effectively.

"Princess Zelda, we must make haste." Impa said, leading the young teenager out of the room.

"Not if I make haste first." The ghost murmured, before transforming into the spitting image of the Sage of Shadows.

--

There were a few advantages to being in control of the inner rooms, one of them being that they were constantly guarded by the castles elite. Also the rooms were completely soundproof unless he wanted them to be. When guards in heavy metal armour were pacing up and down the corridors for your own safety it paid to have the ability to get on with work without distractions such as metal feet walking on stone corridors.

However it did tend to have one major disadvantage. That was if it happened to be a war zone outside, there was no indication of such. "An increase of 1.5% on all weapon goods will allow us to reduce tax on important foodstuffs, which will seem to go over well but will increase tax revenue due to the large amount purchased by hunters and exterminators for work in the fields. That will cover any extra personal on palace staff… can't there be anyone else to do this sort of thing?" A knock on the door, the only way of getting any attention when the sound barrier was up, gave him a much needed break from working out taxes, it however caused him to realise that maybe that barrier was not a good idea "Impa? What are you doing here?"

"We need to leave. Now."

"Now?"

"Have you not noticed the fact we are under attack?" She asked.

"From who?"

"A race of beasts, they've swarmed the main hall. I'll explain once we get to safety." She told him pulling on his arm.

"Oi! We're not beasts! Beasts have fangs and can only speak in growls!" One of the koopas who had extra sensitive hearing shouted back. Unnerving the two sages a bit.

"Fair point, lead the way," Rauru said, following the Shiekiah guardian down many of the corridors and finally left into a hall with unbroken glass stained windows depicting the seven ancient sages, creators of the Master Sword. "Are you sure we're going the right way? I thought the emergency exit was down to the right."

"Who said we're heading for the exit, I'm taking you to safety and there is nowhere safer than where I am going."

"Impa?"

"Right in to the hands of the boss Koop." Impa said as Bowser crashed through one of the windows trapping Rauru between her and the King Koopa

"BWA-HA-HA! Good work Dooplis! Bet they never saw that coming." Bowser gloated as Dooplis shed his disguise, back to his normal form of a sheet ghost with a party hat.

"I knew your accent was all over the place!"

"Shame. If only you figured that one out sooner you wouldn't be in this mess."

"Well now for you to be a good Regent and…WHOA!" Bowser shouted as two boomerang-like projectiles shot out and sliced off the clown copter blade sending Bowser straight down, falling out of the Clown copter "What the hell just happened?" He asked as he crawled out of the wreckage. Seizing the oppourtunity, Rauru ran past the copter towards where those boomerangs had come from, seeing a young adult Zora standing there using scale like attachments on his arm as weapons.

"Sage Rauru! Get out of here quickly. There should be a path behind me. That's where the real Impa and Zelda are." The un-named Zora told the sage of light.

"Great. Who do you think you are? Mister big shot, barging in on my parade?" Bowser growled angrily, dusting himself off.

"My name Bowser, is Link."

--

**Oh Snap! Link's already there, or is he.**

**You tell me.**


	19. Time Paradox

**Time Paradox**

**Da-da-da-da-da-da da-da-da! (That's supposed to be the MGS game over theme in case you were wondering)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the convoluted plot.**

**--**

"Wait, what? Okay guys, where's the camera crew? I know you people are messing with me here 'cause that ain't Link."

"You know this over-grown fish sire?"

"Nope, but I know who he says he is and he isn't. Despite what he can do with a stick. The real Link's a human in a green dress with everything but the kitchen sink up his ass."

"Tunic! It's a tunic! Not a dress!" "See."

"Wait a minute… oh I remember! You're the Link who got kicked out."

"There's more then one hero?"

"You could say he was the weakest Link heh," "Screw it. MINIONS ASSEMBLE!"

--

"I don't believe it. We're home."

"But if that portal in Bowser's castle led us here, do you think he'll be here. To think what he could do."

"_MWA-HA-HA! I am the great Bowser! Bow before me fools. Stupid Cuccos, get out of the way. Now as I was. Oh god, the Cuccos! The Cuccos! Save me!" Bowser scread as the fowl tore him limb from limb._

"Link?" Zelda asked bringing him back to reality

"Evil Cuccos…I'm sure he can't cause that much damage, I mean from what I've heard, he's only in it for the princess and you're right here."

"Who did you hear that from?"

"Mario. I mean the guy's willing to go play golf with Bowser, he can't be all that bad can he?"

"Hmm?"

"What's wrong?"

"Some sort of spell. It's a large area effect, it either required many a wizard or one very powerful one."

"What sort of spell. A force field?"

"No… It's an illusion. I'm going try and break it. Stand back."

--

"EEEEEEK!"

"What happened?" Bowser asked, leaving the battle to the soldiers, if the sheer numbers could get the regent to leave, he'd have taken over and the best part of it was, no-one else would have found out. As silent of a coup as you could get. In theory. The guards would all be captured and the only difference the townspeople would have known is that the new guards were a lot shorter and all deliveries would be changed slightly. That way the kingdom would be mostly intact when Bowser offered it to Peach. Bang goes that idea.

"Someone broke the illusionary field; that means the townspeople can see the ships and the damage to the castle now." Kamek tried to explain, having the benefit of one of the few messengers he wouldn't shoot

"But aren't the ships flying over the town?" Bowser asked.

"That would be the reason for the screaming so loud you could hear it from here."

"Screw it, go to plan B."

"Right. Blitz, terror and explosions as usual?"

"Duh."

"Troops, shifting to plan B, deploy half of the Bullet Bills, reserve the Banzai for special needs."

--

"_It is here that you will pay for your sins demon thief, the price of treason is a steep one indeed."_

"I committed no treason against my people…" Ganondorf murmed, it was all he able to do recently, his magic and legs had failed him. He was seemingly doomed to spend eternity chained to this black rock, what was it they called it? The twilight stone? It didn't matter, nothing did anymore.

"_Did you not? You killed the king of Hyrule."_

"King of Hylians, not of the Gerudo. I am a Gerudo and therefore he is not my King. Same with the Zora, the Goron and the Kokari. Different rules for different races."

"_But not one rule for you, one rule for everything else."_

"Apart from that giant tree everything was back to normal and since there's no evidence. You don't have anything to tie me down with."

"_You swore fealty to the King, do you deny this as well?"_

"What gives you the right to judge me, the one chosen by the gods to lead his people to new glory?"

"_It appears he does not remember the seven years in which he led Hyrule to ruin. He claimed the power of the gods and abused it."_

"_Yet that did not truly happen."_

"_On another timeline it did. He is still the same person who played god. That is reason enough to execute him, to put this pig-beast to the slaughter."_

"Surely these are the saviours of Hyrule…" He said; his voice thick as sarcastic butter.

"_SILENCE!"_

"Do I get to see a lawyer?" He asked, this was a trial after all.

"_A what?"_

"As out-dated as your laws. No wonder so few people believe in you anymore."

"_Cease this bickering, it is getting us no-where."_

"_He started it!"_

"_Lest you not forget these are my grounds you stand upon? I feel the judgement should be mine."_

"Can I at least have something to drink? You wouldn't want me to die so anti-climatically when I'm sure you have oh so many ironic punishments at the ready. What, am I going to be made the bitch of some-one like many of the Gerudo begged I make them? Or perhaps a rock perpetually bouncing off my head, or maybe a stomach virus or even petrifaction, maybe you could..."

"_Do not give us ideas."_

"_Hmm?" _One of the ancient sages noticed, his head titling towards the temple of time. A beacon to them, one of the few locations they could pick out from all of Hyrule. The castle got moved somehow but the temple of time always stayed in one place. So why could they sense something from there now? They got there answer as a small rocket propelled royal class Koopa Kopta replacement rocketed towards it.

"Well that was interesting. Do you think you could move this goddess forsaken rock? I would quite like a nice view of whatever is going on over there. I'm bored."

--

**Not exactly the same Ganondorf who is at the bottom of the great sea. Just for the record. But I'm pretty sure you can work out what's happened to him if you've gotten to that part in Twilight Princess yet.**


	20. Backlash

**Backlash**

**I haven't completely forgotten about the previous plot points I set up, nor am I pulling this out of my rear end.**

**--**

**In the secret headquarters' of the Macro-land branch of the Black Hole army:**

"Okay, just move that infantry unit there, that mech goes on that mountain there giving me a huge terrain bonus…" Lash muttered to herself, pressing a button on her communicator.

"LASH!"

"AAAH! What is it you stupid head? Why'd you have to shout?"

"A multitude of reasons: One, I tried talking normally but you weren't paying attention. Two, we need that death ray up and running in a few moments because the Allied Nations are knocking on our door and third…" Adder took a small step back, to give him a bit of time to react in case she lashed out on him "It's fun to annoy you in equal amount to the times your little experiments have come back to bite us. Like that time you lost 30 units, neo tanks included, while invading Yellow Comet, or how those lasers backfired because you didn't want to turn off friendly fire."

"You're such a whiner Adder."

"If I have to put up with you much longer I have an excuse to be one."

"Whatever, it's a good thing this game is turn based, otherwise you would have made me lose."

"And that would be such a shame." He said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Adder, Lash. Report to central control room immediately." Said a cool voice over the PA. Not even the slightest hint of emotion. Hawke obviously wanted to talk to them

"What's up bird man?" Lash asked once she and the slippery CO Adder arrived.

"… Lash, have you been working on any portal technology recently?" Hawke asked slowly holding his a mug of black coffee. Flak had once said he was addicted to the stuff.

"No! Apart from that recon that if it hits 88 miles per hour travels back in time."

"You mean like that car from back to the…" Adder began

"Mine's different!"

"But it sounds just like…"

"Different!"

"Commanders, this is not the time to discuss these matters, this is the time to discuss why there is a miniature warp in space and time downstairs in the lab!" Hawkesaid, his voice raising with every word.

"Uhh… I don't know?"

"Wait, why did you call me here Hawke? This is Lash's territory, I'm more of a PR person."

"You are going to investigate it first hand. You're arrogance cost us Yellow comet territory. Consider it working back into Sturm's favour, or consider it punishment duty. I couldn't care either way. Just stick your head through that hole and see if a space horror chews your face off, then we'll decide whether to quarantine it or use it as a weapon."

"But… what if it kills me?"

"Then we'll quarantine it so no one would suffer a similar fate."

"It wasn't me who peed in your coffee today! I swear!"

"Someone peed in my coffee?" Hawke said, stopping himself and looking at the brown liquid in his mug. If someone had…

"Adder you rat bastard if you tell him I'll…"

"Lash, since you seem to be the expert on these things, you will accompany Adder and stick your head in."

"But you need me for the big Death Ray!" The mad scientist protested.

"Possibly, possibly not. Is that your only protest Lash? If so then head down to that warp thing and research it."

"I hate you Adder."

"The feeling's somewhat mutual." He hissed back

--

"Now where the FALCON am I?" Captain Falcon asked, he was in some old style port. Something out of a non-space pirate movie

"Why you're in Rougeport Sonny." Professor Frankly, the Goomba scholar told him as he walked back to his study.

"AAAH! Talking mushroom! FALCON STOMP!"

"Look out, he's mad!" Frankley shouted, trying to run away from the freaked out F-zero pilot

"I'll save you professor!" Shouted goombella as she talked Falcon down."

"Ah! They're attacking! What the hell did I smoke before stepping into that portal?"

"Did you say portal?" Frankley asked quietly, too quietly to be heard.

"Hi-ya!" Shouted Goombella as she charged at Falcon again.

"Falcon damn it!" He cursed, dodging it.

"Is that all you got muscle head?"

"Hardly, FALCOON…"

"Stop!" "Goombella, man in a helmet, stop fighting."

"Why?"

"Because he may know something about the weird occurrences that have plagued Rougeport the last couple of days."

"What's going on old guy?" The captain asked.

"Well it all started about 1000 years ago. An evil entity called that Shadow Queen tried to rule the world to help her she made sever crystal stars which would drain the life of the surroundings and feed power directly to her…

…

…

…

…

…

…And then the great Mario came and… WAKE UP!"

"Wha? Oh, sorry." Falcon said, being jarred out of a sound sleep.

"As I was saying the great Mario was in a race to collect the crystal stars with the leader of the X-nauts Grodus… their journey took them…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…which can all be found in this book I wrote. But now it seems there is something wrong with the thousand year door and I fear the Shadow Queen may have found a way to get loose without a vessel or the crystal shards." The goomba finished

"zzz…"

"zzz…" Both Goombella and Captain Falcon ended up snoring, having been bored to sleep by the long story.

"Why do people always fall asleep during my stories? I'm not that long winded." He protested, and it was true, kinda. When compared to that Owl in the Zelda games he gets to the point fairly quickly.

--

"Pika…chu." Pikachu panted, it had been running away from people in weird suits for a long time. Not even long drawn out pokemon battles took this amount of time or effort to deal with. It had found its way through various pipes that lead it into some storage place, none of which had food esealliy accessable.

"Skree?" Something screeched.

"Pika!" The pokemon shouted, its fur crackling with electricity to defend itself.

"Skree!" It schreeched again, floating into Pikachu's vision. At first he thought it was a floating Tentacool, but then Pikachu remembered the assist trophies that Master Hand brought in recently, this was a metroid. An energy sucking parasite although it was a lot smaller than the ones Pikachu had seen, half the size of Piachu himself.

"Pi? Pika?" It asked. The flying jellyfish didn't look like it was much if a threat plus there was a familiar smell around it.

"Skreeee?"

--

"Lash? Remind me to stab Hawke when I get back," Adder groaned, waking up with a face full of sand and a somewhat burning back "a barren wasteland, just brilliant. Well at least there's some degree of civilisation here. Better than nothing I suppose." He muttered, noticing a wooden fence in the distance. He just hoped that they wouldn't try and eat him.

"Halt!" Two people shouted as he walked up towards the towers that lined it. It seemed to be a guard post of some sort. Looking up to see who exactly was yelling at him, he started to smile slightly. No guns pointed at him whereas he had a semi-automatic left in his officer's uniform, plus the guards weren't exactly bad to look at either.

"A change in scenery could do wonders for moral."

--

**Shorter chapter but I couldn't just forget about Captain Falcon. Now introducing the Advance Wars villains: the Black Hole army led by CO's; Adder, Lash, Flak, Hawke and Sturm.**


	21. What everybody wants

**What Everybody Wants**

**Is me to get on with this.**

**--**

Master Hand was still dangerous, if he could be left to his own devises he could slip away easily. Maybe it was stage fright but Mewtwo reasoned as long as someone was keeping an eye on him, he couldn't excecute a plan without him knowing. That's why Midna and Dimentio took turns guarding the former master of the mansion while Mewtwo searched for the key to the Heart of the mansion. The key to unlock sub-space.

"You know Midna, at first I didn't know who you were. Which is strange considering I know everybody who has lived here and possibly ever will. Megaman, Chrono, Andy, Hawke, Ryu, Ken, Terra, Issac, Sora, Cloud although that was only a brief meeting because there is no way in HELL he's getting here because this isn't M.U.G.E.N, the list goes on and on." Master Hand told Midna, trying to break the monotony of imprisonment.

"Am I supposed to be impressed?" She asked.

"It might help my ego for you to show some response other than sheer boredom," he said, continuing when that elicited no response other than 'meh' "the thing I Midna, the more I know about you, the more confusing this whole partnership gets."

"Too much for you to comprehend?" She taunted.

"More like spot the odd one out. This whole thing was Mewtwo's idea, and he's been working on it for a good number of years now. It's all one plan and that's how Mewtwo works, all according to his crazy schemes, every detail worked out in his mind. You saw how angry he got when I out-smarted him, he's messed up in the head, the only way he thinks he can get what he wants is to fuck everyone else in the ass without using a lube."

"So? You've been doing a bit of that as well haven't you? Make these games by stealing people from their own worlds."

"You didn't let me finish, I only talked about your leader. Dimentio, well he's a joker plain and simple. He'll do anything to create a bit of mayhem, sure possibly with himself on top of the pile when the dust is cleared but its creating that dust cloud which obscures everybody, that's his idea of a good time. A crazy clown with a party trick that rips open space and time. Which leads me to you."

"What about me?" She asked, a bit more cautiously this time.

"The odd one out, everyone has there motive for potentially ruining everything that ever existed except you. The one who has it all already, a princess who reclaimed her throne from the great pretender and defied someone with the power of your goddess Din. Money, clothes, power, you have it all except for one thing," He paused, making the motion of stroking an invisible beard, possibly for dramatic effect, the melodramatic glove, "A missing Link. Sorry about the pun." He said smugly.

"What if it is just to get back to him, what's it to you if I use this dimension to jump between the world of light and twilight without directly exposing them to each other?" Midna's temper flaring, how could he think of her being so selfish, so flat and easy to read.

"Apart from being hypocritical of your whole 'Light and Dark should never have to mix' speech when you broke the mirror? Well excuse me princess but your wolf has found someone new to take him walkies in both the way you're probably thinking about it and the normal, non X rated way."

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything special between you two lover birds, the way you keep on chirping at each other may make for some great entertainment someday but Mewtwo wants to see you." Dimentio chimed in, warping out of no-where.

"Me? With a hand? I have standards."

"Low standards are still standards." Master Hand shot back as Midna warped out to Mewtwo's new home away from Cerulean cave. His old meditation room.

--

"Owie! Adder you snake! You shoved me!" Lash shouted, falling on hard ceramic floor.

"Who's there?" Said someone, possibly a guard, but in a different language. It seemed to be based of Blue Moon's language. She heard Olaf and Colin speak it, but rarely Grit. She was in Blue Moon? That portal must have warped her way behind enemy lines.

"Uh oh," she said, looking for a hiding spot, eventually settling on a locker, allowing her to get a view of the guard who seemed to stroll by, looking for something unusual. There was adifference however, none of the guards that walked by were wearing Blue Moon uniforms, and the guns were ancient. Scorpion sub machine guns? Seriously? In this day and age, she knew CO Colin was holding back on the funds but whoa. "Great surrounded by a bunch of poorly armed guards, how _old_ were those weapons?" She asked once all the guards had gone, they seemed to follow strict patterns, allowing her to dodge every single one of them and find a large room with a map laid out across the table. Lash didn't regocnize any of the territory but she did recognize the figures on top. Someone was playing with soldiers. "Ooo, a nice new toy set for me to play with."

"Pow! Take that you Orange star scum, feel the wrath of the mighty Black Hole army with our superior technology," She said, knocking over several infantry figurines with a very large one representing some sort of tank with a rocket on it's back "oh no, please save us," she imitated, holding up one of the remaining figurines before running it down with the tank one "kekeke! No retreat for you! You die!"

"Now Major, I understand your concern about this whole deal but rest assured Ocelot will do his job, and if not we always have _her_ to fall back on." She heard voices, moving voices, voices heading this way! Quickly diving under the table whoever had entered continued their conversation as though nothing had happened.

"That's not the point Colonel, you are still sticking your neck out in the open and _if_ the CIA dogs have sent someone to retrieve him he may shoot first and ask questions later." The Major protested.

"Ha! They'd risk international chaos, they'd rather keep a lid on the whole thing and let him rot." The Colonel dismissed.

"Whoever it is may not see it that way, I worry about your safety Volgin." So that's the Colonel's name, Volgin. It wasn't anyone Lash knew from Orange Star, Blue Moon, Yellow Comet or Green Earth's command, and what was the CIA?

"Ivan, I will be fine on my little excursion, and this CIA agent will be no match for the combined might of what I have planned and we'll have the Shagohad fully functional in a week…" "What is this mess? Who is responsible for making a mockery of my tactics? My invasion plans, all gone!"

"Shall I sound the alarm Colonel?"

"Yes, I want whoever it is in prison by the time I get back."

"Attention all guard personell, this is Major Raikov. We have an intruder in the building. Search everywhere. Only allow clearance to the hangers for Colonel Volgin until I personally cancel the alarm."

"You're getting better at this."

"I try."

"Kuabara, Kuabara." Volgin mumbled as he walked out of the war room, with Major Ivan Raikov behind him.

"Hmm, so they're planning something big here, maybe I can lend a hand. And by that I mean, stab them in the back and take whatever they were getting ready."

--

_Why is it that the only time attractive females take me willingly it's always to slap some chains on me and offer me to their probably man hating leader?_ Adder wondered as he was taken to the Gerudo fortress via a small outpost, it was like one of those Arabian night themed resorts in Orange Star the way the women dressed here only with all the luxury replaced by ugly structures. In that respect it wasn't like Arabian Nights at all. Just an ancient peasant village with a lot of sand in it, and some turtles that walked on two feet and carried big hammers.

Wait, what?

As Adder was taken through the settlement he noticed that there wasn't just women, there were turtles, walking and talking and seemingly acting like a peacekeeper force. Either he was hallucinating or that portal had dumped him someplace very weird.

"Hold it, what's your clearance?" One of the turtles asked.

"We were taking this man here back to the main prison."

"Why the main one, can't we hold him here? Looks like a desert wanderer just got beat with the ugly stick and you found him while trying to get over the bruises."

"He doesn't look like a Hyilian, and he certainly isn't Gerudo. I don't know who he is at the moment so place him where security is highest just to be safe right?"

"Oh right, sure. You can pass, just no molesting him. I've heard stories."

"Like I'd get that desperate." The escort mumbled as they walked through the gate and into the valley.

"So where are we heading, near central command?" Adder asked innocently, might as well collect some information while here.

"Quiet you."

_Violence towards outspoken prisoners, how original. _Adder thought as his head was struck by the non-sharp end of one of the Gerudo guard's spears.

--

**Oh well, this means I'm not completely dumping the AW guys into separate arcs, just existing ones.**


	22. Fission Mailed

**Fission Mailed**

**Oh Gods I have to work on arc instead just throwing in random characters don't I?**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**--**

**Sokolov's holding facility- 23/08/1964 **

"They'll never get these, not now, safe in the inferno." Sokolov said to no-one but himself. Even if the KGB did terminate him today he would make sure there was no chance of his plans falling into the wrong hands. By burning all the research papers.

"You must be Sokolov." Snake said, walking into the small room, a tranquilized KGB agent flopped down into the doorway.

"Are you one of Volgin's men?" Professor Sokolov asked, "You'll never get it from me. Never!" he shouted as he threw the rest of his papers into the fire.

"Relax, I'm a CIA agent. I've come to escort you back to the other side of the iron curtain."

"CIA?"

"Yeah, I was sent by Major Zero, the man who got you out two years ago."

"Zero…"

"I have a message from him too."

"What is it?"

"He says: 'Sorry for being so late'."

"Did he now?" Sokolov asked rhetorically, a small smile. Something had gone right for the first time since the Cuban missile crisis.

"You know what he meant by that?"

"It means he is a true friend, and a man of his word. But we have no time for this, you have to get me out before 'they' arrive."

"They?" Naked Snake asked, stopping to shove the fallen KGB agent outside and closed the door.

"Colonel Volgin of the GRU. You in the west know him as Thunderbolt."

"Thunderbolt? Never heard of him." Snake remarked.

"He's a member of the army's extremist faction. A man who seeks to seize control of the motherland. Ever since the Cuban Missile Crisis two years ago, Khrushchev has been pursuing a policy of peaceful coexistence with the West. Despite resistance and criticism from hawks in the army, and the provincial authorities, Khrushchev has managed to suppress the opposition so far. But the failure of his agricultural policies has put him in a precarious position. And on top of that... the tragedy last November."

"President Kennedy's assassination."

"Precisely. In a sense, Khrushchev has lost his biggest partner, and

his power base is rapidly crumbling away. A certain group is plotting to use this opportunity to seize power by rallying the anti-government forces, overthrowing Khrushchev, and installing Brezhnev and Kosygin in his place. The mastermind behind this plot is Colonel Volgin of the GRU. He has control over another secret weapons research facility much like this one - OKB-812, known as the Granin Design Bureau - and is using it to further his plans. But that is not enough to satisfy him. Now he is plotting to seize the secret weapon I have been developing here and use it as leverage in his bid for power." Looking outside the window, he scanned the area, there seemed to be fewer guards now, which in itself was worrying "They plan to make their move once testing is finished, or possibly even during."

"Then the KGB guards were here to stop Volgin and his men. Not keep you in."

"It wouldn't require that many men to keep me locked up in here. Their orders are to prevent Volgin from capturing me, even if they have to kill me to do it. You have to get me out of this country!" The scientist pleaded.

"Just leave it to me."

"By the way, your Russian is superb. Who taught you?"

"My mentor."

"Really? America is truly a frightening place."

"Having second thoughts?"

"No, I have no love for this land. Not anymore."

"Fair enough," Snake said, starting up his radio and transmitting over the frequency 140.85 "Major, this is Snake. Sokolov's with me. No injuries."

"_Good, now get him to the recovery point." _Major Zero's voice crackled over the signal.

"Can do."

"_What about the sentries?"_

"They didn't notice me, The only ones that got touched were hit by that weird thing, and this one guarding the door, but he's out cold."

"_Good. Hopefully it'll be smooth sailing from here."_

"What about the Boss?"

"_We lost contact with her a while ago. We tried to contact you but you weren't responding either, must have been a weak signal, although we haven't regained contact with her. Just get Sokolov to safety. He's top priority at this moment."_

"Roger, over and out."

"Freeze!" A KGB guard shouted, somehow while the two were talking they had surrounded Sokolov and Snake.

"So this is the legendary Boss? We meet at last." A accent-less voice drifted through the bombed out shelter. A young man, no more than 18 years old walked forward, he was dressed in a black uniform with a red beret, although the cowboy style boots were probably not part of whatever unit's uniform.

"You! You're one of the Spetsnaz. The Ocelot unit, what are you doing here? This is KGB territory." One of the soldiers told him.

"One of the Ocelots?" the teenager said, insulted "That's Major Ocelot to you, and don't you forget it."

"Sokolov is with the KGB, so scram cat boy."

"An Ocelot never let's his prey escape."

"What!?" The KGB agent said out of shock before Ocelot shot him in the neck, the rest of them soon followed leaving one sole survivor on the roof, ducking out of Ocelot's line of sight. The major aimed at an exposed metal beam, fired, and the rebound killed the last of the KGB in the area.

"Can't say it feels good to kill a comrade, even if it is for the GRU."

"Sokolov, take cover." Snake ordered.

"Hmm, you're not the boss are you?" Ocelot asked. "MROOOWR!" he called, like a wild cat. If he hadn't just killed 10 people it would have been funny.

"GRU operatives!"

"What is with that stance? That gun?" Ocelot asked, mocking Snake's unorthodox CQC stance "If you're not the Boss," "then die!"

"Major!" One of the spetsnaz shouted as Snake grabbed Ocelot's arm and slammed him to the ground.

"Leave him! Shoot the other one!" Ocelot shouted, ordering his unit to focus on Snake. Grabbing his tranquilizer pistol he shot all of the GRU operatives, one by one, using their Major as a human shield. Once Ocelot broke free, another operative tried his luck only to be taken down and disarmed quickly.

"Im… impossible!" Ocelot shouted, from on the floor, his gun had jammed so he couldn't shoot him.

"You ejected the first round by hand didn't you? I see what you were trying to do. But testing a technique you only saw in the middle of battle wasn't very smart. You we're just begging to have your gun jammed."

"American dog!" He shouted, charging at Snake with his knife drawn, only to be met with a knee to the gut.

"Besides I don't think your cut out for a revolver anyway. Your elbow twists to avoid recoil, that's more of a revolver technique. But I have to tell you, you're pretty good."

"Pretty…good." Ocelot mumbled before it all went dark, the next thing he knew, Colonel Volgin was standing beside him.

--

"Now what?" Ike asked, stabbing an anaconda that was looking as though it might take a bite out of him

"We wait for this Naked Snake to get back here with this scientist and then we follow him to see if we can get to civilisation."

"And if he doesn't come back?"

"We make do, there's an old military building a mile from here and there's some edible fruit and wild life. If needs must we can just survive until we find a way back."

"Hide!" Ike hissed, noticing a woman making her way through the jungle. She was about 40 years old, yet here she was in a dangerous Jungle, filled with poisonous snakes and other things moving through it as though she was just carrying the shopping, in the form of two cases, one with a strange warning symbol on it. Ike didn't recognise it but Samus did. It was the universal symbol for radioactive materials.

"Something's here, no visual contact yet but I can… just trust me on this one… I understand."

--

The sound of a shell echoed throughout the area. "That's what they were making you build?" Snake asked, pointing to a large cannon across the valley.

"Yes. The Shagohod - "The Treading Behemoth" - a tank capable of launching nuclear IRBMs."

"It can launch nuclear missiles from that kind of terrain?" If the soviets could utilize this, the USA would be in big trouble.

"Oh yes. And without support from friendly units."

"A nuclear-equipped tank capable of operating solo. Is that thing finished?"

"No. This is only the end of Phase 1. It won't be truly finished until we complete Phase 2. The weapon's true form. If it is completed and the colonel gets his hands on it, it will mean the end of the Cold War. Then the age of Fear will truly begin."

"A world war?"

"I had no choice but to cooperate! I didn't want to die. I wanted to see my wife and child again in America... Please, take me to America quickly. They cannot complete it without my help." Sokolov pleaded, motioning towards the rope bridge. Half of it was covered by fog making it difficult to see the other side, he could be walking straight into an ambush.

"Boss?" Snake asked, seeing a woman in comaflauge holding two large cases walking towards them. She dropped them causing the bridge to sway slightly.

"Good work Jack."

"What are you doing here?"

"Sokolov comes with me."

"What the?" Snake gasped as a swarm of Hornets seemed to surround Sokolov and just pick him into the air, before flying back with him to a nearby helicopter.

"My friends! Let us fight together as one." The Boss shouted to the three people in the helicopter.

"Oh how I've waited long for this day." One of them said with slicked black hair and strange pattern on his camoflauge.

"We will fight with you once more." Said a man in a balaclava, camoflauge striped like a bee.

"Welcome back…" said an elderly man, who at first glance appeared to be asleep. "Boss."

"Kuabara, Kuabara… ah what a joyful scene."

"Colonel Volgin."

"Ah the legendary Boss. Welcome to my country, and my unit."

"Boss? This some kind of joke?"

"No joke Jack. I'm defecting to the Soviet Union. Sokolov is a little gift for my new hosts."

"Recoilless nuclear warheads. A fine gift for me, your generosity seems to know no bounds." Volgin said, picking up the cases.

"This can't be happening!" Snake shouted, pointing his gun at the Boss.

"Who's this, another one of you disciples, are we taking him with us?" Volgin asked.

"No. This one is just a child, too pure for us cobras. He has yet to find an emotion to take into battle."

"What are you talking about?"

"Think you can pull the trigger?" The Boss asked Snake, before pulling the gun out of his hands and disassembling it in front of him Then breaking his arm when he tried to use his knife.

"If he's not coming with us then he can't be allowed to live, if he survives and Khrushchev finds out. We're finished." Volgin instructed.

"He's my apprentice, I'll be the one to take care of him. Jack, you can't come with us." "I'm sorry."

"The new blood has been rejected." The Pain commented from the helicopter, watching Snake fall down into the canyon, before adjusting balaclava.

"Are we done here or are you going to just be philosophical for the next hour. No offence meant but we have a schedule to keep." Volgin asked.

--

"Excellent. A great success, thanks to the boss and her Cobras. Now I have both Sokolov and the Shagohod." Volgin said, his face twisted into a sick smile.

"What are we going to do with her?" Ocelot asked, motioning to the blonde woman in the helicopter with them.

"I don't know, who is she?" Volgin asked.

"Apparently she's Sokolov's woman."

"A fine catch. I think I'll take her."

"Not so fast. A kiss of Death? KGB?" Ocelot said, grabbing something out of her hand. A tube of lipstick, laced with poison.

"Perhaps we can use her, she has spunk. I like that."

"Should we take her back to the base?"

"Of course… we have no further use for Sokolov's research facility now, we have the man and the weapon…" He said, breaking open the cases brought by the Boss. "I think its time I tested this gift of mine." He said, assembling the rocket launcher and fitting the small warhead on top.

"Colonel! You can't be serious! Even if they are our enemies, they're still our countryman, you can't just nuke them!"

"But it won't be me who pulls the trigger in the eyes of the KGB. It will be the American defector."

"Don't do it."

"Remember Ocelot, remember the Alamo." Volgin told him, pulling the trigger and sending the 10 tonne nuclear payload direct to the old research facility. Leaving a somewhat cliché mushroom cloud and covering the whole area with radioactive dust and fire.

"Snake…" Samus whispered, hanging on to the outside of the helicopter.

--

**Well that's a long one. Enjoy it.**


	23. The Secret History of Smash Mansion

**The Secret History Of Smash Mansion**

**Yeah its back, with me elaborating on plot points this time.**

**--**

"Your guard duty was been brought to an end princess, and with great sorrow do I have to report that Mewtwo wishes to see you." Dimentio said to Midna, who was visibly angry with something, and there was only one other thing in the room with her.

"Fine." She said, creating a small portal of her own and warping out as squares of twilight.

"You work fast Master Hand, already have her aggravated as a mother bear and all you've done is stay in your cell." Dimentio commentated.

"Heh, it's one of the privileges of being too important to kill. I can be a complete douche with no more negative consequences than normal."

"But you wouldn't know what's so important about this key that Mewtwo is searching for?"

"Other that it can open any door in the mansion? Nothing really important, but you can just teleport into the worlds and he could just rip the door off its hinges. Am I right?"

"So he needs it to unlock something he can't teleport access to otherwise."

"Precisley, he wants my power, and somehow he got into his head that the key will unlock the secret, steal it, become a god, kill everything etc."

"And it won't?"

"Of course it will, but only if he knew what it is he's looking for."

"Care to divulge that trinket of knowledge?"

"What makes you think I'd do that, for all I know your going to give it straight to him."

"I'll take that as a no then?"

"But your looking to make it big on your own though, aren't you. Looking for an opportunity to stab Mewtwo in the back, like you did to that Bleck guy." This took Dimentio back a step, only Mewtwo knew anything of that situation and he'd gone out of his way to prevent anyone knowing about what he liked to call his case of Chronic Backstabbing Disorder. CBD for short.

"And how might you know about that?"

"I know a lot of things, about most worlds, and I know you were supposed to have died with the Chaos heart 2 years ago."

"Yet here I am. So are you going to tell me about this key or not?"

"It's a long story."

--

"Just what the hell is Master Hand anyway, and how does he know so much?" Midna seethed.

"_He used to be human."_

"Used to be?" She asked, her head quickly snapping towards Mewtwo.

"_A long time ago, Master Hand and Crazy hand were just a single human child, living in a dimension close to Snake's but with a few differences. In that dimension we all exist, you, me, Mario, Link, all of us. But not as real people, as works of fiction. We exist as Computer game personalities, and as such the companies which owned us, or should I say the company, produced small trophies in our image. The child collected them all, 35 of them to be exact, everyone but Snake and Sonic. He would occasionally make those figures 'battle' to amuse himself, even creating his own stories with them all living under one roof, with him as an omnipotent figure ruling over all of us,"_ Mewtwo stopped and chuckled slightly _"strange how things turn out_

"_Then everything changed, by some joke of whatever is the higher power at the end of it all, he found a small sphere under his bed, it was a curiosity, from what I gathered from Crazy Hand's memory it was dark with electric blue lines running through it…"_

--

"I called it Subspace." Master Hand told the two dimensional jester.

"Subspace?"

"It sounded like something out of a sci-fi movie, and it looked it came from a high budget one at that. Anyway, I poked it experimentally, out of curiosity. What I wasn't expecting it to was knock me out cold. When I woke up, I couldn't feel my body anymore, everything had become clearer to me. I could work things out more quickly, homework seemed like a piece of cake. To put it to the test I thought I might as well try to complete that Rubix cube that had haunted me. But I found I still couldn't do it. I could only move my right hand."

--

"_Subspace separated them into a being of creativity and a being of destruction. Both taking the form of white gloves. He found he could move the figures with his mind, make them come alive. His games got more violent and his stories became more complex. But it wasn't enough for either hand. Being bereft of a body had left a hunger in their place. They used up more and more of the Subspace until it came back to bite them."_

"Something was already in Subspace?"

"_Yes. Tabuu, a strange beast. Even I'm not sure what it was, but it awakened when all the statues had been brought to life and managed to control Master Hand who had Bowser and Ganondorf on his side. Crazy hand had to work behind the scenes, rally the other statues to try and stop him but it failed, initially. Tabuu proved to be too strong, able to remove the subspace that had brought them to life in the first place with his wings. However, Crazy Hand had brought in another trophy just in case. Sonic."_

--

"Once Tabuu was cleared out I was back to full health but his control of me had a nice side effect. I had complete control over subspace as I was the closest real being when he died and managed to steal his powers."

"If you are as powerful as you say you are, why is this mansion an effective prison?"

"Because I used up most of my power to create and maintain this place. Using Tabuu's power I made myself my own little planet in a niche in space and time, and created a stadium on it. For some entertainment for the local sufficiently advanced aliens whose technology I reversed engineered and incoperated so it was not such a drain on my powers. Shame the gladiatorial fights between ugly insect monster A and ugly insect monster B got tiresome after the 15th time. So I needed some headliners, a group that would really bring in the money, and enough technology to take over every universe in one shot."

--

"_He found that while in his dimension we were nothing but works of fiction he found we legitimately existed in others. Using subspace he pulled 12 people from their existing dimensions to compete, not as slaves but as prize fighters. In it for the money with personal assurances that there would be no negative consequences. A Link was one of them. The Hero of Time."_

"Wait, so you're saying that the one he brought here was the original green cap and tunic?" She said, trying her best to control her own voice.

"_Precisely, and he used that to attract people from all over the multiverse, there was a stadium in each dimension. Any species which had developed space travel could find it, no matter what dimension. But then he craved to make his earlier fantasies a reality. As such he created Smash mansion, along with recruiting more people to join in including myself. I was there as an insurance policy, as his plan involved keeping them under one roof for possibly years someone had to make sure that they didn't get homesick, so it was my duty to make sure everyone was content enough to stay."_

"What about you, didn't you get homesick."

"_Ha! What was there to be homesick about? Born as an experiment, killed my creators, forced to live in a cave filled with Ditto and other things, I was glad to get away from it all. I was still being used but he gave me freedom to be who I wanted to be here."_

"…" It didn't need to be said, it was obvious what she would have asked anyway.

"_I just really don't like to be used." _Mewtwo said before retiring to what used to be Master Hand's office, leaving Midna alone in the corridor. _Maybe I should give it to him, maybe I can persuade him to get rid of Dimentio for me._

--

**So the Fanon is set waaay after what little there is of the Smash canon. If your brain survives, please leave a review.**


	24. The Kanto Kloning Konspiracy

**The Kanto Kloning Konspiracy part 1: Snake in the Grass**

**Because alliteration is **_**fun, **_**and I need something to prove that this fic hasn't gone completely down the serious mind fuck route. **

**I have no claims to own any of the trademarks or copyrights relating to Pokemon, or the Metal Gear series, Or portal.**

**--**

Of all the places to wind up, this forest didn't seem so bad. Sure all the weird creatures that all seemed to look at him were slightly off putting but they've had plenty of chance to attack him and haven't, which normally means he was fairly safe.

The air was fairly cool and the noise the wind made as it blew through the tall grass was somewhat soothing. But there was something missing for him to be truly at peace.

No cardboard box. Not even the one they gave him for the Smash tournament with the exclamation mark and the smash logo on it. I kid of course, its not like anyone can develop deep feelings of longing for an inanimate object, that'd just be silly. Even if you were stuck on a desert Island with nothing but a crate you wouldn't…

DAMN IT GLaDOS! WHY DID YOU MAKE ME KILL THE COMPANION CUBE? WAS IT FOR THE CAKE? THE CAKE WAS A LIE YOU BITCH!!

But back to Snake. There was something else amiss here, when he first appeared he could have heard Otacon talking over the Codec, but now for whatever reason none of the frequencies were working, not even Master Miller's frequency, nor Naomi Hunter's. It's like they didn't exist in the world anymore. Or he didn't exist in their world.

"Hey!" A child shouted, Snake cursed inwardly, if a kid had spotted him lying in the grass then his survival instinct had been diminished by living in Smash Mansion too long.

"Huh?" Snake responded, standing up. This kid couldn't have been much older than 10, he was wearing sandles and shorts with a white T shirt. He also had a large hat that covered all of his hair and was carrying a large butterfly net in one hand

"What are you doing in my spot of grass, you could have scared away the bugs."

"Sorry kid," he said,brushing off any specs of dirt that had clung to his dark grey spy catsuit, no wonder he was spotted so fast, he didn't have any camouflage on "do you know where this is?"

"You got lost here too? I thought I was the only one who got lost in Viridian Forest, this place is a natural maze. Trees blocking off obvious routes out of it, plus there are Weedle crawling all over the place, nasty if you or your pokemon get stung by one of those if you don't have an antidote you have to rush to a pokemon centre fast, first time I went here I got lost for hours and my mom had to come find me. But how'd a grown-up like you get lost here?"

"I'm not from around these parts." Snake said, walking towards the trees, trying to see how far this "Viridian forest" went.

"Hey wait!" "we could at least have a pokemon battle to pass the time. We're both stuck here aren't we."

"Games aren't my thing."

"You afraid you'll loose to my awesome collection of bug types?"

"No. Look kid, I don't have any pokemon, and I'd rather get out of here then talk about them."

"You got this deep into the forest without pokemon? Wow. Are you one of those Saffron dojo people? Who say they don't need pokemon to defend themselves?"

"No."

"Then where are you from?"

"Not here."

"Your being mean!"

"Look, kid, find me a way out of here, then we'll talk."

"Fine then, but once we get to Pewter City you owe me an explanasion."

"Whatever." Snake said reluctantly. The bug catcher quickly took out a small red and white sphere that Snake recognised as a pokeball, they occasionally littered the stages in the Smash Brawls and Pokemon trainer always carried 6 of them with him at all times.

"Butterfree! I choose you!" The child shouted, throwing the pokeball in the air, it releasing a very large, purple bodied butterfly, its wing span was easily the size of Snake's chest and it had two very large eyes, like a normal fly's eyes only much bigger. "Okay Butterfree, let's go," he said, the butterfly flying slowly towards a path in the trees "my name's Jake by the way." He said, chasing after the bug pokemon.

"John."

--

**Well at least he's out of the way for all the craziness of the other arcs.**


	25. The Last Metroid

**The last Metroid**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, nothing I tells you!**

**--**

**Star log, 12-03-2994 I.D 4321. 1****st**** class Scientist aboard the Space Colony, Circe.**

_The past few months have been a perilous one indeed, our important research into the energy absorbing properties in the life form known as a Metroid has yielded some peculiar results, while it appears that the Metroids do not feast on solid foods, lacking any sense of a digestive system but can consume energy directly for movement and heat generation. How they manage to grow from this larvae that a miss Samus Aran brought us into the large creatures seen on Zebes remains a mystery, I will continue to study this creature while Samus has pursued other work with the federation. Something about a substance known as Phazon, but they did not give me any information about such a thing. Perhaps it is a highly toxic material and acquiring and shipping the chemical must be difficult for it not to be sent here for study. End log._

**Star log, 23-06-2994 I.D 4321. 1****st**** class Scientist aboard the Space Colony, Circe.**

_Unbelievable! A new species was found on this very station, quite an interesting one at that, it seemed to be related to the rodent branch, one that had theoretically been wiped out in Space pirate raids where the planets happened to be habitats. It is Yellow in colour with brown stripes across the back, a rigid tail on back shaped as a lightning bolt. And the female crew members will not stop gushing over the thing! I mean its like they forget all protocall and rush up to hug the thing, we don't know what it is yet._

**Star log, 23-06-2994 I.D 4321. 1****st**** class Scientist aboard the Space Colony, Circe.**

_Additional: Well, at least the lightning bolt tail can be seen as some sort of warning, it managed to shock 5 trained guards and short circuit both the containment field and the door lock. I only hope that this hasn't affected anything else here…_

**Star log, 23-06-2994 I.D 4321. 1****st**** class Scientist aboard the Space Colony, Circe.**

_Additional: additional; Bugger. _

--

"Pika?" Pikachu squeaked as the weird floating tentacool made its way towards him. Pikachu registered it as a tentacool at first because of the basic outline but once Pikachu's cheeks fired up with electricity it was in truth nothing like any pokemon. It's body was a translucent green with 3 red orbs connected by some fleshy string inside, and it didn't have any tentacles, only a few fangs outside what was probably it's mouth.

"Skree? Skree!" It shrieked as Pikachu figured out what it was, he had heard Samus talk about them, Metroids. Metroids were some alien jellyfish that sapped away the energy of whatever it used those fangs to latch onto.

"Pika!!!!CHHUUUUUUU!" Pikachu shouted, firing off a thundershock to see if it would encourage it to go away.

"Skree!" It screeched in reaction to the attack, but it didn't seem hurt by it at all, it seemed to enjoy the shocks, once the initial had faded, it floated around Pikachu.

"Pika pika. (Samus? Do you know Samus?)" The pokemon asked, recognising a familiar scent, it was an old one, any human would probably miss it, but it was tough the metroid had been in a steile environment, so there wasn't much else to smell.

"Skree (Who's Samus? I only know mommy.)"

"Pika, pi, pika (woman in yellow suit, gun for an arm, green thing in front of her face. Really tall…)"

"Skreeeeee! (That's mommy! How do you know my mommy?)"

"Pikachu (We've met.)"

"Skree? (Did she say anything about me, or is she bringing me back any yummy X?)"

"Pi? (X?)"

"Skree…(They're all slimy but they're very yummy. That's what we Metroids eat, mommy has probably just gone to get some for me. Mommy loves me)"

"Sir, we've found the rodent, along with the Metroid larvae?" A human voice called as a tall man in a powered suit stood in front of Metroid and Pikachu.

"Must have broken out in the commotion, get them back into containment, I'll see if I can have some new equipment to deal with the yellow one." Another replied

"Pika!!!"

"Easy little guy, we're not going to hurt you…"

"CHHUUUUUUUUU!"

--

"We found the intruder Major Raikov."

"So you decided to earn your job here for once. Hmm?" The Major said glancing down at Lash, trying to struggle loose from the guard's grip, but giggling nervously while Raikov stared at her "Do you mean to tell me that all this time the intruder was a little girl?"

"We found her hiding in one of the lockers near the break room; it was a good hiding spot until she screamed something in Chinese, possibly a curse."

"She doesn't exactly look Chinese to me. Throw her in a holding cell, we'll see what Volgin has to say about this little incident," the guards all shuddered simultaneously, the only reason they took any orders from Raikov was because he had the ear of Colonel Volgin, and he was a well known sadist despite Raikov's insistencies to the contrary. When the sound of helicopters could be heard throughout the building, Raikov took a peek outside the window and smiled "speaking of whom. Sergeant, prepare room in the entranceway to the main hanger. We have the Shagohad."

--

**And we are back, a little back-story to the Pikachu arc and moving along slowly with the MGS3 arc. Now I have to work on the Zelda arc again. Anyone want to volunteer to help me out here? **


	26. Brock Solid

**Brock Solid**

**Curse you writers block!!!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing**

**--**

The path through Viridian Forest had been an interesting one to say the least, for what seemed to be the main route between Viridian city and Pewter city, it was near impossible to make out a clear route, trees of varying shapes and sizes formed a natural maze, the only walkable areas were coated in a think carpet of grass, enough to conceal anything, a man, some strange pokemon that Snake hadn't seen at the mansion, most were just large caterpillars, or a discarded item dropped by a poor trainer who may have been fleeing from a swarm of Beedrill. Only Buterfree knew the route through off by heart as the bug pokemon fluttered its way over the grass, through the trees and finally onto open road. "Good job Buterfree, you can take it easy now." Jake said holding out a pokeball. A small beam of red light shot out, seemingly pulling the pokemon into the ball

"Free!" It said joyfully.

"So mister, my Buterfree's pretty cool don't you think John? Mister?" Jake asked, turning around, Snake however had other ideas as he was already walking down the road. "Hey!!! You owe me an explanation."

"You wouldn't believe it if I told you." Snake said, waving goodbye.

"Hey! You could at least say thanks for helping!"

--

"Thank you for coming here Brock, you'll be glad to know that your Onix is fully healed." Nurse Joy said returning the small pokeball to the Gym leader. Brock seemed out of place from the rest of the trainers in the area, for one thing he was 19 years old, making him one of the youngest gym leaders in the area and got his title three years ago becoming what was then the youngest recorded gym leader in Kanto. This tended to make the tall teenager with spiky hair an idol among the new trainers and a big shock when he lost to anyone. His Rock Type's defense were supposedly unbeatable, and he always seemed to be going easy on the young trainers. Using only a Geodude when he ad a Golem which could destroy anything in its path.

"Hey you did all the work here Nurse Joy, I'm just glad Onix did cause any hassle."

"It wasn't any trouble at all, Onix was the perfect patient."

"So…"

"Yes Brock?"

"Since there's no-one here but us, why don't you have the night off? A little bit of rest and relaxation, after all you do work hard here…" The gym leader said in a slightly lower voice, making the Pokemon centre nurse blush slightly.

"Well I…" "Oh I'm sorry, I didn't hear you come in there, I'm afraid it looks like business as usual Brock."

"As usual…" Brock groaned, letting his head fall forward and hit the counter

"Can I help you sir?" Nurse joy asked nervously.

"No I'm just… looking around." Snake responded, scanning over the walls, seeing if there was any information about the surrounding area. There was a basic map of the region on the right of the main counter but it didn't have details such as the layout of the forest so that wasn't much use

"That's the Hall of Fame section, we try and get photos of everyone who defeats the Elite 4 at Indigo Plateau after beating our resident gym leader."

"Not very many people…"

"Well the Elite four are the strongest trainers in the region, it takes someone special to build a 6 pokemon team capable of taking them down, and first they have to win 8 gym badges all across Kanto."

"You know a lot about this."

"Well its part of my job, you can't have young trainers asking "what do I do next?" every day."

"Hmm?"

"Found you! Now where's my explanation."

"You know him kid?"

"I have a name you know."

"I'm sorry, I must have forgotten, it was Jack right?"

"Nope."

"John?"

"That's his name."

"So you do have a name after all."

"What's it to you?"

"Relax will you? The name's Brock, Pewter city gym leader."

"John."

"Hey!!!"

"Sorry, almost forgot about you there. It's Jake right?"

"Finally, I'd thought you'd never get it right."

"Hey I can't help it if I have trouble with names."

_Is that… it looks just like him. It would make sense, if he was a big shot here it would have increased his chances of being dragged in to the whole Smash thing._

"Hey John, you okay there? You kinda spaced out for a moment."

"Huh? I'm fine."

"Hey isn't that Red? The one who beat the elite four a year ago?"

"It is, last guy who beat me, I knew he was something special."

"You say that about everyone who beats you."

"And I haven't been beaten in a year, what does that say?"

"Please, now that my Metapod's evolved into a Buterfree, your rock types are going down like a … rock."

"Do any of you know what happened to him?"

"Last thing I heard he was seen exploring the old mansion on Cinnabar Island down south, but he was declared legally dead last week, shame, he was only 11. Why did you ask?"

"Let's just say I may know something about that place, but I'll have to go to Cinnabar myself."

"The only place that ferries there is Vermilion City, unless you want to swim south from Pallet town or west from Fuchsia."

"Then I'm off to Vermilion City then."

"Is he always like this?"

--

The route to Mount moon was once one filled with young trainers looking to train up their skills to either make it through the Zubat filled mountain or to challenge Brock, however most of the trainers had moved on, either to try their luck in Viridian and register or to brave the mountain cave and reach cerulean. One man in a black jumpsuit stood against the rockface. "This is member 0001 of group gamma reporting in. Location aproximatly 3 clicks east of Pewter east gate and awaiting further instructions. Understood, any in particular? Gym leader's pokemon are our priority here I was just issuing a query, there may be something else of value, oh, understood commander James. We'll meet group alpha before commencing the strike. Rocket out."

"What the?" He said, he could have sworn he heard something rustle in the long grass, deciding to investigate all it turned out to be was a male Nidoran, something easily cleared with a boot.

"Talk." Snake said, wrenching the man's left arm behind him and drawing his knife out, pointing it towards the throat.

"Who are you? Isn't that uniform one of our…"

"I'll be asking the questions here. Now, what was that about a strike? You wouldn't happen to be pulling some sort of heist?"

"I'm not authorized to tell y-AAAARGH!" The grunt yelled, his arm being twisted in ways a normal arm was not meant to.

"You just got promoted, so talk!"

"That kid a year ago completely wiped us out, we need some new pokemon, and you can understand that right? You have to have some for of protection out here."

"That kid? Which kid?"

"That brat with the Squirtle from Pallet town with the stupid hat." _Red._ Snake said mentally, trying to piece it all together. Didn't the kid say he had managed to fight off a criminal organization named team rocket? Well do be fair, he didn't talk much at all. Always saved his voice for battles, issuing commands to his pokemon, probably couldn't speak any other time.

It seemed ridiculous that a ten year old could take down a mob but he did have a few advantages. One: pokemon didn't seem to discriminate on age, the youngest person could have someone like Mewtwo or Lucario under their control. Two, most of them were probably like this one; he was fairly high ranked if he had direct contact with the commander but didn't seem to loyal. At the sight of any major threat they'd probably surrender fairly easily.

"So that's it."

"So can I go now? The boss will kill if I…. ugh?" The Rocket grunt groaned, passing out.

"The hell?"

"Nido!" Squeaked something down by Snake's ankle. A small purple pokemon crouched down by the goon's leg with a small amount of blood on the tip of its horn.

--

**Let this be a lesson, don't kick rodents with poison barbs. They are poisonous.**


End file.
